Body Beloved Articles

Practicing a Miracle with your Body:Shifting your Perception

2008-05-05T15:55:00.000-06:00

In my last columns, I wrote about practicing relationship skills with our bodies, allowing us to heal not only that relationship, but our relationships with others as well. Today, I focus on the first relationship skill, Active Attention.

One of the reasons so many of us struggle with our Bodies is because we don’t really see them for what they are. We only see the surface, the outside, and miss out on the depth and wonder of the inside. Just like when we make conclusions about someone from his/her external appearance, our society has taught us to make conclusions about our bodies from the way they look: is your body thin enough? Does it have cellulite? Are your breasts perky or droopy? Is your stomach flat? The answers to these questions determine what we think and feel about our bodies: if it’s thin enough, we like our body. If it’s not, it’s unworthy and shameful. This is a form of prejudice that creates tremendous hatred and violence.

Practicing Active Attention provides an antidote to our distorted seeing. We expand our focus beyond surface appearance to the whole Body, inside and out. We shift our perception from seeing our body as a lifeless object to a life-filled entity which performs miracles for us 24/7. Do you know that your heart beats 100,000 times a day? Or that there are 3 million cells in one square inch of skin whose sole purpose is to protect you from environmental stressors? Can you imagine that your blood goes on a 60,000 mile journey and circulates in your body in 23 seconds?

Today, make a commitment to really getting to know your Body, the way we get to know a Beloved when we first fall in love. Who is your Body? What do you know about your cells, your intestines, your heart, your blood? Have you ever thought about the wonders of your bones or your muscles? I promise you this: the more energy you spend practicing Active Attention with your Body, the more peace, love, and well-being you will reap. It’s a win/win situation!

Daily Camera Interview, 4/28/08

2008-04-30T14:51:00.001-06:00

Interview with Isabelle in the Daily Camera of Boulder

Brief bio: (include what you do for a living here):
I am a licensed marriage and family therapist who specializes in body image, eating disorders, and relationship problems. I am also an energy healer, graduate of the Barbara Brennan School of Healing. I am passionate about eating disorders education and prevention, co-founding the Boulder County Eating Disorders Coalition and doing trainings throughout the State. I am writing a book, the Body Beloved: the Inside-out Way to Loving your Body, that introduces the radical proposition that your relationship with your body offers a rich spiritual path designed to help you uncover your Highest Self.
Philosophy when working with clients:
I believe in working from love and acceptance. To heal means to make whole, not rejecting any parts of ourselves but rather embracing them with compassion. I believe that our bodies are magnificent creations who deserve kindness and care and that healing our relationship with them can benefit that relationship and our relationship with others, both past and present.
How did you get involved with health care?
I struggled with an eating disorder for most of my young adult life. In my healing journey, I learned that eating disorders are not merely an obstacle we need to get rid of but are integral in helping us become more loving human beings. I became a therapist to help others heal with that understanding.
What are your favorite healthy foods? Your favorite workouts?
I practice living in relationship with my body, listening to its needs, taking into account my own, and finding ways to meet both. If I really want French fries, I will have them but will make sure to meet my body’s needs later through some protein or vegetables. Or if my Body tells me it needs to move while I’d rather stay on the couch, I will go to the gym but will make sure to take a nice hot bath for my own pleasure later. This is a relationship that requires me to be present to what is happening in the moment rather than living from a fixed set of rules that have nothing to do with me or my Body.
What is the best health advice you ever received? Eat when hungry. Stop before you’re full. It is so simple and yet so difficult to practice. It’s the only true way to feed our bodies, as it takes our bodies’ needs into account. Who else BUT your body knows what it needs?!
What is your personal health care routine?
I only eat complex carbohydrates for lunch and breakfast, as my body has repeatedly shown me that it does not digest them well at night. I work out 5 to 6 days a week, because it gives me time to be with my body, to give it strength, and to increase its energy to support me in my busy life. I practice listening to my body and making decisions that create the most love. Am I perfect yet? No, and I will probably never be. But like with any relationship, I keep trying my best and let it teach me what I still have to learn.
How can people contact you?
You can call me at 303-817-6912, email me at isabelle@bodybeloved.com, or visit my web sites, www.bodybeloved.com, and www.thehabitexperts.com.

Do NOT Diet: It's Bad for your Health!

2007-04-12T10:36:00.000-06:00

This is the message a group of researchers is sending, saying that not only does dieting not work in the long term, but it is also potentially dangerous for your health. The study is published in the April edition of American Psychologist, the journal of the American Psychological Association and details the work of researchers from the University of California, Los Angeles, who reviewed 31 long-term studies lasting between 2 to 5 years. UCLA associate professor of psychology and lead author of the study, Traci Mann said: “You can initially lose 5 to 10 percent of your weight on any number of diets, but then the weight comes back. We found that the majority of people regained all the weight, plus more,” she added. “Diets do not lead to sustained weight loss or health benefits for the majority of people,” said Dr Mann, shattering an age-long belief that restraining from food for a period of time will help a person lose weight – and keep it that way. The study suggests that whatever benefits there are to be obtained through dieting, in the long run, negative side effects outweigh advantages. Dr Mann and her team analyzed every study they could find that followed people on diets for 2 to 5 years. Studies that take less than 2 years are “too short to show whether dieters have regained the weight they lost,” they said. They found that it would have been better for most of them if they had not gone on a diet at all. “Their weight would be pretty much the same, and their bodies would not suffer the wear and tear from losing weight and gaining it all back,” explained Dr Mann. Repeatedly losing and gaining weight has been linked, in previous studies, to cardiovascular disease, stroke, diabetes and altered immune function. While people on diets lose an average of 5 to 10 per cent of their weight in the first 6 months, 33 to 66 per cent of these persons regain more than what they lose within 4 to 5 years. And this is not a complete picture either. The figures do not reflect reality because participants phone or mail their results in themselves, without an impartial assessor. Also, many studies have a below 50 per cent follow up rate; and the people who put on a lot of weight are less likely to stay in touch. UCLA graduate student of psychology and co-author of the study, Janet Tomiyama said that “Several studies indicate that dieting is actually a consistent predictor of future weight gain.” She referred to a study that studied links between lifestyle and weight in 19,000 healthy older men over four years. This study found that, “One of the best predictors of weight gain over the four years was having lost weight on a diet at some point during the years before the study started,” she said. Dr Mann said: “Exercise may well be the key factor leading to sustained weight loss. Studies consistently find that people who reported the most exercise also had the most weight loss.” The study did not name any diets in particular, but looked at a broad spectrum of approaches. Professor Mann said in her opinion eating in moderation was a good idea for everybody as was regular exercise.

2007-02-15T15:06:00.000-07:00

In the mirror: Teens struggle with body image
By Aimee Heckel January 29, 2007

The 13-year-old girl refused to untie her sweater from around her waist.
She was ashamed of her stomach. She thought everyone was looking at how fat it was, like it was a deformity. She began dieting and weighing herself about 20 times a day.
She was at the edge of developing an eating disorder, but her mother caught her just in time. She brought her daughter to a therapist, and within two months, the girl began loosening up the sweater until she felt confident enough to lose it completely.
The girl's therapist described her as "teeny tiny" — no stomach bulge at all. But the girl saw her body differently.
Like many other American teenagers — mostly girls — she had a warped body image. A person's body image is not necessarily connected to reality, local therapists say.
Think: If you're having a good day and you feel upbeat, you are more likely to think you look good. If you're stressed and depressed, you are likely to feel unattractive, even if you look the same as you usually do.
Developing a healthy body image is crucial for adolescents; a negative image can lead to a lifetime of eating disorders and low self-esteem.
And these perceptions begin at the beginning. Even toddlers pick up messages from society, their parents, daycare and friends about how they should view their bodies. If parents don't clear up mixed messages and let their children know they are more than their body shape, children can start to act out dangerous eating habits.
Local therapists tell stories about increasingly more preteens popping diet pills, skipping lunch or heading to the bathrooms at school to purge what they do eat at lunch.
One 4-year-old girl refused to eat the snacks at her preschool because she was afraid of getting fat.
Two-thirds of all American girls have been on a diet before the age 10. Nearly half of 9- to 11-year-olds are "sometimes" or "very often" on diets, according to a study by Colgate University. Forty-two percent of first- to third-grade girls said they want to be thinner, another national study showed.
Eighty percent of 10-year-olds said in another national survey they were afraid of being fat.
Superior-based therapist Dorie McCubbrey knows that fear firsthand. She developed an eating disorder in elementary school, after seeing most of the women in her family diet regularly. Parents have a tremendous impact as role models for their children, be it good or bad, McCubbrey says.
"This is the season right now to be losing weight," says McCubbrey, who now counsels people on healthy weight maintenance and body acceptance. "There are healthy ways to lose weight, and if you are trying to lose weight, be very careful about what you say in front of your kids, because they will pick it up."
When a person's body image is inaccurate, it often means they're using their body as something they can change when they feel like their life is out of control, according to McCubbrey. She saw one 6-year-old girl who refused to eat after her parents got a divorce.
"Any kind of trauma, whether mild or severe, can trigger someone to use their body as a means of control," McCubbrey says. "And that needs to be taken very seriously."

'Your body's a wonderland'
Isabelle Tierney, a therapist in Boulder, says 80 percent of her clients struggle with their body image. She speaks to local students and trains school counselors about positive body image.
Few people admire their bodies for the "marvels" that they are, Tierney says. She often guides her clients through meditation where they think about their skin, muscles, blood, the cells and the complex organs inside.
"Nobody teaches kids and adolescents how incredible the body is, the way the muscles work," she says. "It allows me to jump, run, wrestle. When you start seeing your body, as opposed to an object that is supposed to look a certain way to be liked, but as a magnificent system — and if you take care of it, it'll work for you — it shifts you into an incredible place where you think, 'Wow, my body is amazing.'"
Tierney runs the Web site, www.bodybeloved.com, which teaches an "inside-out" view on body image. That means letting your inside define your outside, rather than letting your feelings depend on what's going on outside: How others view you, whether you're in a good mood, if you have a boyfriend or girlfriend.
Tierney recommends teaching this as young as possible.
"I have three kids myself, and I always say, 'What does your body need? Take care of this machine working for you,'" she says.
Celebrating real beauty
As a teenager, Audrey Brashich got caught up in society's definition of beauty. She was a teen model, landing gigs with magazines such as YM, Seventeen, Elle Girl, Cosmo Girl, Lucky and Self.
Brashich also was elected to her New York high school's student government, one of the first girls chosen since the school's founding in 1709, she says.
No one seemed to care about that.
"I was in a bunch of magazines, and a lot of people were asking me about that," she says. "Why is that so much more important than something else that took a lot of intelligence to achieve?"
Brashich, who now lives in Canada, says society's messages to girls perplexed her. So she decided to do some research.
Brashich published a book in May, "A Girl's Guide to Seeing Through Celebrity Hype and Celebrating Real Beauty," a body image and media literacy guide for teens. She says some girls don't realize there is more to life than feeling "pretty."
"The girls I've spoken to are torn. They want to fit in to what is beautiful, but be valued for other things they know are important and are told are important," she says.
She urges parents and teachers to talk to their children about what they see in the media — "raise questions and get kids thinking about what they see," she says.
"If you ask kids what's important in a role model, they'll make a mini list, or if you ask them what professions are the most important in the world, they'll probably say doctors and teachers," Brashich says. "Then ask them to name famous doctors and teachers, and they'll have a harder time. It shows them that we know these things are important, yet we don't see them in the media. Let's find them."
Contact Camera Staff Writer Aimee Heckel at (303) 473-1359 or heckela@dailycamera.com.

Eating Disorders: A National Epidemic

2007-02-15T12:21:00.000-07:00

More than 10 million Americans struggle with eating disorders. Once considered a “rich white girls’ disease”, eating disorders are now detectable in all social classes and an increasing number of cultures. Most frighteningly, anorexia, one of the two major types of eating disorders, has the highest premature fatality rate OF ANY MENTAL ILLNESS. Research shows that the majority of people with severe eating disorders do not receive adequate care: only 1/3 of people with anorexia and 6% of people with bulimia receive mental health care.

What are eating disorders? The DSM IV classifies anorexia (AN) and bulimia (BN) as the two major types. Additionally, the DSMIV includes “Eating Disorders Not Otherwise Specified (EDNOS)”, which includes Binge Eating Disorder and other eating disorders which do not fit into the anorexia and bulimia criteria.

1. Anorexia is characterized by self-starvation and excessive weight loss. The four diagnostic criteria are:
2. Resistance to maintaining a body weight at or above a normal weight for age and height Less then 85% of that expected
Failure to make expected weight gain during growth, leading to body weight less than 85% of expected.
BMI for age 5th percentile or below
3. Intense fear of weight gain, or being “fat” even though underweight
4. Disturbance in the experience of body weight or shape, undue influence of weight or shape on self-evaluation or denial of the seriousness of low body weightLoss of menstrual periods, post-puberty

Bulimia is characterized by a secretive cycle of binge eating followed by purging. The diagnostic criteria are:
1. Regular intake of large amounts of food accompanied by a sense of loss of control over eating behavior.
2. Regular use of inappropriate compensatory behaviors, including vomiting, laxative abuse, fasting, compulsive exercise.
3. Extreme concern with body weight and shape
a) Purging-type: regularly engages in self-induced vomiting or misuse of laxatives, diuretics or enemas
b) Non-purging type: regularly uses inappropriate compensatory behaviors such as fasting or excessive exercise

Binge Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified includes:
1) Binge-eating without purging
2) obesity
3) Excessive Exercising
4) All criteria for Anorexia except
a) Still has regular periods and/or
b) in normal weight range
5) All criteria for Bulimia except
a) Binge/purge less than 2 X/week or less than 3 months duration
b) Purging after small amounts of food (2 cookies)

Eating disorders have many precipitating factors, making them difficult to heal. Most researchers agree that bio-genetic factors, environmental factors, familial factors, and personality factors often combine to make a person highly susceptible. Although recovery rates vary, everyone agrees on this: the earlier a person with an eating disorder seeks treatment, the greater the likelihood of physical and emotional recovery. 85% of eating disorders begin during adolescence. Ideally then, treatment should start during in those early years. Unfortunately, because of the shame often associated with an eating disorder as well as its short-term benefits, few people willingly come forward during this phase. Educating mental health professionals, school personnel, and caregivers about the warning signs and potentially life-threatening consequences of eating disorders is thus vital, increasing possibility that people can be helped. *

Following is the typical progression of anorexia, including warning signs:
Anorexia often begins with dieting
Dieting becomes more and more rigid and includes skipping meals, drastically cutting calories, fat, and protein and becoming more picky
There is a denial of hunger/Refusal to eat
The person can become obsessed with food, cooking, and nutrition
Compulsive rituals begin and quickly increase; the obsession worsens
Exercise becomes excessive, sometimes up to 4 or 5 hours a day
The person offers consistent excuses for avoiding meals or situations involving food
Life/conversation is dependent on weight loss/gain
Anxiety about being “fat” worsens despite obvious thinness
Secrecy increases; isolation increases, including withdrawal from friends and usual activities
Obsession and denial worsens, as brain and other body functions shut down
The body shuts down. Death occurs.

Bulimia’s warning signs are:
Evidence of binge-eating: food disappears. Anywhere from 1,000 to 60,000 are consumed in one binge; sometimes,
The person uses bathroom and/or shower right after a meal; you may find trash bags or other containers filled with vomit
The bulimic exhibits puffiness, red eyes, red/callused knuckles and/or sore throat
There is evidence of purging: dirty bathroom, laxative boxes, diet pills
The person exercises rigidly and zealously
The bulimic exhibits dental erosion, staining
She creates a complex lifestyle schedule to facilitate bingeing and purging
She withdraws from friends and usual activities
There can be weight loss, though not always; dieting becomes a primary and constant concern

The way bulimia progresses is exemplified here:
It begins as an attempt to lose weight; body/psyche rebels; binge occurs
The binge leaves the bulimic exhausted and uncomfortable; he feels deep guilt and shame; hates this out-of-control person; goes against who he strives to be, ie perfect. Extra pounds will show who she “really is”
She has to UNDO the binge by purging: it seems to be the only antidote to the loss of control over food
Vomiting as a solution often begins almost by accident (reads about it, friends talk about it…)
Most people do this for a short time and can stop
For others, binge-purge cycle becomes addictive: what begins as a rare cycle can take up most of the person’s time. Recent research has found that serotonin gets released during the binge-purge cycle.
Many bulimics were prior anorexics

It is crucial to understand that eating disorders SERVE IMPORTANT FUNCTIONS. Uncovering those functions and finding healthier ways to fulfill them is crucial to successful healing

Below are some of anorexia’s important functions:
As the person loses weight, dieting and weight loss take on a different function
She/he finds a newfound control in life. She previously did not feel effective, especially as life is changing around her
She believes that being thin will solve all problems
She finds a new sense of power (does not have to give in to hunger); of superiority: she finally measures up
There is a new sense of meaning, purpose to life
She gets a new sense of challenge
She gets a new sense of independence, the “good girl” saying no to authorities, often for first time in life
Anorexia gives her an identity, which is often a fundamental developmental task.

Following are some of bulimia’s important functions:
“While I’m eating, nothing else matters” The bulimic can eat to satisfy emotional needs and not deal with the consequence.
Food is an outlet for all the feelings and conflicts that cannot be exposed;
Binge-purge blocks or lets out feelings that are experienced as unacceptable
The bulimia is a way to cope with uncomfortable emotional states; it relieves stress, anxiety, low-self-esteem
Unlike anorexic, the bulimic DOES acknowledge there’s something wrong but hopeless about what to do about it

Treatment possibilities are varied, though their effectiveness is not always corroborated by science. Educating yourself on the various modalities as well as being trained in the specifics of eating disorders is a big step in effectively helping those who struggle with eating disorders.

Here is some of the information we know:
Family therapy is the most successful type of treatment IF the child is under 18 AND lives at home
Cognitive-behavioral therapy has been studied extensively and offers strong positive outcomes, though not necessarily in the long-run
Dialectical Behavioral Therapy is increasingly used in hospitals and clinics to some success
The more support the client receives, the better her potential for recovery: a combination of individual, group, and family therapy is ideal though costly, as insurance only covers small, if any, portions of treatment.
Other forms of therapies are proving successful in healing eating disorders, including art therapy, equine therapy, energy healing, and massage therapy, to name a few
Pharmaceutical treatments can be effective for some but not all. SSRIs (anti-depressants) work especially well with bulimics.
Money is being poured into research to support that a person’s risk for developing eating disorders is genetic. The latest such study showed that more than half (56%) a person’s risk for developing anorexia is determined by genes, with environmental factors determining the rest.

* While there are a number of health consequences for anorexia, bulimia, and EDNOS, the length of this article does not allow me to focus on it. Please go to http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/ for further information.

In the mirror: Teens struggle with body image

2007-02-14T13:09:00.000-07:00

By Aimee Heckel (Daily Camera)
Originally published 11:43 a.m., January 29, 2007

The 13-year-old girl refused to untie her sweater from around her waist.

She was ashamed of her stomach. She thought everyone was looking at how fat it was, like it was a deformity. She began dieting and weighing herself about 20 times a day.

She was at the edge of developing an eating disorder, but her mother caught her just in time. She brought her daughter to a therapist, and within two months, the girl began loosening up the sweater until she felt confident enough to lose it completely.

The girl's therapist described her as "teeny tiny" — no stomach bulge at all. But the girl saw her body differently.

Like many other American teenagers — mostly girls — she had a warped body image. A person's body image is not necessarily connected to reality, local therapists say.

Think: If you're having a good day and you feel upbeat, you are more likely to think you look good. If you're stressed and depressed, you are likely to feel unattractive, even if you look the same as you usually do.

Developing a healthy body image is crucial for adolescents; a negative image can lead to a lifetime of eating disorders and low self-esteem.

And these perceptions begin at the beginning. Even toddlers pick up messages from society, their parents, daycare and friends about how they should view their bodies. If parents don't clear up mixed messages and let their children know they are more than their body shape, children can start to act out dangerous eating habits.

Local therapists tell stories about increasingly more preteens popping diet pills, skipping lunch or heading to the bathrooms at school to purge what they do eat at lunch.

One 4-year-old girl refused to eat the snacks at her preschool because she was afraid of getting fat.

Two-thirds of all American girls have been on a diet before the age 10. Nearly half of 9- to 11-year-olds are "sometimes" or "very often" on diets, according to a study by Colgate University. Forty-two percent of first- to third-grade girls said they want to be thinner, another national study showed.

Eighty percent of 10-year-olds said in another national survey they were afraid of being fat.

Superior-based therapist Dorie McCubbrey knows that fear firsthand. She developed an eating disorder in elementary school, after seeing most of the women in her family diet regularly. Parents have a tremendous impact as role models for their children, be it good or bad, McCubbrey says.

"This is the season right now to be losing weight," says McCubbrey, who now counsels people on healthy weight maintenance and body acceptance. "There are healthy ways to lose weight, and if you are trying to lose weight, be very careful about what you say in front of your kids, because they will pick it up."

When a person's body image is inaccurate, it often means they're using their body as something they can change when they feel like their life is out of control, according to McCubbrey. She saw one 6-year-old girl who refused to eat after her parents got a divorce.

"Any kind of trauma, whether mild or severe, can trigger someone to use their body as a means of control," McCubbrey says. "And that needs to be taken very seriously."

'Your body's a wonderland'

Isabelle Tierney, a therapist in Boulder, says 80 percent of her clients struggle with their body image. She speaks to local students and trains school counselors about positive body image.

Few people admire their bodies for the "marvels" that they are, Tierney says. She often guides her clients through meditation where they think about their skin, muscles, blood, the cells and the complex organs inside.

"Nobody teaches kids and adolescents how incredible the body is, the way the muscles work," she says. "It allows me to jump, run, wrestle. When you start seeing your body, as opposed to an object that is supposed to look a certain way to be liked, but as a magnificent system — and if you take care of it, it'll work for you — it shifts you into an incredible place where you think, 'Wow, my body is amazing.'"

Tierney runs the Web site, www.bodybeloved.com, which teaches and "inside-out" view on body image. That means letting your inside define your outside, rather than letting your feelings depend on what's going on outside: How others view you, whether you're in a good mood, if you have a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Tierney recommends teaching this as young as possible.

"I have three kids myself, and I always say, 'What does your body need? Take care of this machine working for you,'" she says.

Celebrating real beauty

As a teenager, Audrey Brashich got caught up in society's definition of beauty. She was a teen model, landing gigs with magazines such as YM, Seventeen, Elle Girl, Cosmo Girl, Lucky and Self.

Brashich also was elected to her New York high school's student government, one of the first girls chosen since the school's founding in 1709, she says.

No one seemed to care about that.

"I was in a bunch of magazines, and a lot of people were asking me about that," she says. "Why is that so much more important than something else that took a lot of intelligence to achieve?"

Brashich, who now lives in Canada, says society's messages to girls perplexed her. So she decided to do some research.

Brashich published a book in May, "A Girl's Guide to Seeing Through Celebrity Hype and Celebrating Real Beauty," a body image and media literacy guide for teens. She says some girls don't realize there is more to life than feeling "pretty."

"The girls I've spoken to are torn. They want to fit in to what is beautiful, but be valued for other things they know are important and are told are important," she says.

She urges parents and teachers to talk to their children about what they see in the media — "raise questions and get kids thinking about what they see," she says.

"If you ask kids what's important in a role model, they'll make a mini list, or if you ask them what professions are the most important in the world, they'll probably say doctors and teachers," Brashich says. "Then ask them to name famous doctors and teachers, and they'll have a harder time. It shows them that we know these things are important, yet we don't see them in the media. Let's find them."

Contact Camera Staff Writer Aimee Heckel at (303) 473-1359 or heckela@dailycamera.com.

How do you see you?

Tips for improving your body image:

You don'tneed to change the way you look or act. Instead, change the way you think about yourself.

Recognizethat your body is unique and your own.

Stayhealthy, and talk to a doctor if you are concerned you don't have a healthy weight.

Acceptthe things about your body you cannot change.

Make goalsto change the things that you can, such as getting fit and eating nutritious food. Meeting a challenge is a good way to boost your self-esteem.

Stopthe negative thoughts.

Giveyourself three compliments every day.

Every evening,list three things in your day that made you feel good. Even simple things, such as the sun or a song you heard.

Focuson the good things in your life.

Get helpif you need it. Talk to a trusted adult or

Source: www.kidshealth.org.

Tips for parents

To help build positive body image:

Keepcommunication open.

Don't talknegatively about food or weight.

Don't talkabout how "good" someone looks because they are skinny.

Always havefun and healthy food available.

Teachyour teen how to make healthy and fun foods, such as smoothies.

Limitexposure to unhealthy messages from the media. Talk to them about what they are seeing.

Complimentactions instead of appearances.

Warning signs

Signs of a possible eating disorder:

Exercisingfor an hour or more daily with few or no days off.

Havingan ongoing fear of weight gain, an unrealistic sense of "feeling fat" or an extreme emphasis on losing or maintaining weight.

Significantchanges in weight.

Avoidingcertain foods and feeling guilty about eating certain foods.

Eatingfor emotional reasons, such as stress; also, uncontrollable patterns of compulsive eating or overeating and secretive eating.

Frequentweighing or measuring the body with a tape measure.

Usingdiet pills, laxatives, diuretics, appetite suppressants and weight-loss products.

Usingexercise to "get rid of" food.

Source: Eating disorder specialist Dorie McCubbrey.

What to do

If you believe someone has an eating disorder:

Be supportive.People who have suffered eating disorders say the worst thing to do is isolate someone who has a disorder.

For informationabout confronting a person with an eating disorder, check out www.anad.org, and click on "Eating disorder info and resources" and "Confronting."

Be empathetic,but direct. Don't back down if the problem is denied.

Contacta professional for help.

Redirectthe focus from weight control to deeper, more meaningful goals. Emphasize inner qualities, and keep comments about appearance to a minimum.

Learnthe facts about nutrition and fitness and share it with your child. Educate yourself through books or support groups.

Don't labelfood as "good" or "bad."

Sources: National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders, Dorie McCubbrey.

An Experiment in Eating with Presence...

2004-04-16T13:09:00.000-06:00

Do you ever eat a whole meal and not remember any of it? Do you wonder who actually ate the food since it doesn’t feel like it was you? While eating unconsciously happens occasionally to many, it happens often to those of us who struggle with overeating. We consume large amounts of calories but cannot recall one bite of it, so absent are we to the actual act, so busy are we thinking about everything but the food we are sitting in front of. We invariably end up overeating for we don’t allow the food to ever really satisfy us, nourish us, and give us the contact we really long for. Can eating with presence, then, actually avail us to satisfaction? Can awareness for the food in front of us curb our impulses to overeat? I determined to find the answer to these questions by eating in total presence for a week.

What is presence and what does eating with presence look like? To be present means to have our attention fully and intensely in the Now. In presence, we are not lost in thoughts, obsessed with the past or the future. Rather we are aware of everything that is here now, whether it is a feeling, a thought, a sunrise, or soap bubbles on a plate being washed. Eating with presence, then, means that we become aware of everything related to the act of eating, from the way the food looks to the way it tastes, to the way it feels as it enters the Body, and so on. It even means becoming aware of the distractions that often arise as we eat, dropping them gently as soon as we notice that they take us away.

For my experiment, I set only one guideline for myself: I have to be present to myself and to my food at every meal. I can eat anything I want, no deprivation required, as long as I can stay in contact with the act of eating. It sounds simpler than any diet or food plan I have ever attempted, but, as I soon find out, it is much harder.

Day One: Breakfast. I usually start my day by eating my breakfast while reading the paper. It is a favorite habit of mine, a habit that even screaming children or ringing phones won’t deter me from. Today, though, my Inner Voice reminds me to stay present, so I put the paper down and sit across from my pancakes, feeling as though I am meeting a stranger for the first time. To my surprise, I notice that I don’t want to be present with my food. It feels uncomfortable being that intimate. I want to do something else, give my eating only a small portion of my attention. For someone who professes to love food as much as I do –I’m an overeater, for God’s sake!- I am stunned to find out how little I actually want to be with it. I put the first bite in my mouth and concentrate on its taste, its texture, the way it feels in my mouth. That lasts all of two seconds, and then I’m gone, off into my head, busily planning what I have to do today. A few minutes later, I notice that half of my meal is gone, and I don’t remember any of it. I bring my attention back. This time, I try to simply name what I find, using words like chewy or buttery without an attachment to what those words mean to me. I am surprised to find that each bite is different than the one before. In one bite, my teeth connect to the crunchiness of the whole grains. In another, my mouth gets coated with the sweet syrup. The caramelly crust of the next bite melts on my tongue. And I realize that I can actually feel the metallic coldness of the fork on my last bite. I leave the table filled with gratitude for the surprising diversity of my simple experience.

Day One: Lunch. I forget about “Presence” and eat my lunch while talking with my kids AND reading the paper. At one point, one of my daughters says: “Mom, what about eating with “Presence”? Didn’t you say you were going to do that?” I am amazed that she paid attention when spoke about this and irritated that she reminded me. “I don’t want to play the stupid game of “presence”, I internally whine, “I want to have fun!” I lie and tell her that I never meant to practice presence at every meal. I then proceed to eat without awareness, filling my Body with more food than it needed.

Day One: Dinner. I resolve to pay attention to only one sensation per bite. I get overwhelmed when I have to notice the many sensations each bite can offer. I try to stay present at least long enough to notice if a bite tastes crunchy or chocolaty, smooth or salty. Eating this consciously slows me down. I find myself wanting to eat less and less because each moment is so filling.

One of my bigger challenges lies in being present with myself at the family meals. I’m either in contact with my husband and three children or with myself: I struggle with being present to both. I experiment with putting the fork down when I’m in conversation with them and with being quiet when I’m eating, but it is not an easy rhythm to keep. I find that I have a tendency to overeat a little when I’m around them.

Next few days. I feel such gratitude when the phone rings in the middle of my conscious eating. Alleluiah! A distraction! I am saved from the difficulty of presence! During one phone call, I actually try to sneak an unconscious bite but I end up choking and having to hang up. Point taken. I even use bird watching as an excuse not to be present to my food. “Oh, look how cute the birds are bathing in the snow. I wonder how come they don’t get cold. Wait, do birds actually feel like we do? What if the mother dies? Do they feel sad?…” By the time my brilliant train of thought ends, I’ve eaten half my sandwich and I have no clue what it tasted like. Okay, no more bird watching.

Little by little, though, I notice that I don’t overeat much any more. In fact, I often leave some food on my plate, something I would have considered impossible not long ago. I also find myself really picky, wanting only to eat good food, like the salmon sushi I had for lunch, whose perfect blend of fatty salmon and chewy rice filled my palate with joy. And when I’m done with a meal, I notice that I neither pick at my children’s leftovers or nor finish the remains of the dinner pan. I actually feel satisfied, even satiated when I eat with awareness. Maybe it’s due to the simple fact that my physical body has the chance to tell me when it’s full, as many health experts tell us. Maybe it’s because being present allows me to see each bite for what it is, without projecting onto it an abandoning mother that I need to inhale before she walks away or a miraculous substance meant to take away my suffering. Maybe it’s because eating with presence lets me receive the food as a gift from Source, a gift of nurturance and abundance I can’t notice when I speedily gobble down a meal. And maybe it’s because the sheer experience of being present while eating is an experience of contact and intimacy which satisfies the deepest levels of my soul.

Try it for a week. Maybe it will even help you figure out who’s been driving your car all along…

Are our eating struggles a curse or a gift?

2003-11-04T13:08:00.000-07:00

As a holistic therapist, I am always struck by the amount of shame and self-loathing experienced by those of us who struggle with eating and body image issues. Though many of us lead extraordinarily full lives, our inability to “conquer” what is perceived as an easily controllable issue impacts even the most joy-filled moments. Entrenched in the belief that happiness will be ours as soon as we control our weight, we torture ourselves with harsh diets and exercise, missing the beauty that lies all around us.

What if we were taught that our struggle with eating and body image was in fact the archetypal journey that every human being has to go through in order to find happiness? What if we could understand that these issues are not meant to be easily gotten rid of, but rather that they are essential steps in the journey designed to bring us closer to peace and bliss?

I spent most of my life trying to attain happiness by striving to get over my struggles with eating and body image. I really thought that I would be happy the day my food addiction disappeared. I read countless stories of people who had conquered their weight and who now lived a supposedly perfect and blissful life. I so wanted to believe that I too could be a new person if only I could stop overeating. A person without any fears or faults. A person without suffering. It all seemed so easy.

For twenty-five years, I worked like a horse to try to heal of my eating disorder: I exercised like an Olympic athlete, ingested only small amounts of calories a day, and gave myself a good tongue lashing when I failed at either. Unfortunately, I was not getting rid of my struggle: in fact, it was getting worse. The more I tried to conquer my addiction, the stronger it came at me. I kept right on going, though, for I knew it had to be my fault, my lack of willpower or self-control. I always resolved to be better the next day, and would start the whole vicious cycle all over again.

As the years passed, I started noticing something strange. Living with and working on my eating disorder was actually bringing forth gifts which were enriching every aspect of my life. Every quality developed in my struggle became a quality which showed up in my parenting, my healership, my wifehood, and my friendships.
The process of healing my eating disorder taught me to become more patient, compassionate and loving. It taught me to delay gratification and to find out what my real needs were. It allowed me to see the sacredness of our world and to feel gratitude for every moment. It helped me curb my impulsivity, modify my critic and judge, curb my tendency to objectify, and let go of my self-centeredness. And as the effects of these internal changes began to ripple outward to all my relationships, I found that a deeper, more lasting happiness began to creep in.

I also realized that my addiction was in fact my soul’s call for healing. Wanting to eat when I wasn’t hungry, craving different foods at different times, or having to purge when I felt too full were all signals of a more profound imbalance within me which communicated itself through disordered eating. It was as though my deeper Self had learned only one language to express its varied feelings. If I felt sad, I wanted sugar. If I was angry, I would binge and throw up. If I was bored, salty foods kept me busy. The trick, then, became to welcome the cravings and impulses as messages from my inner Self telling me that something was off. If I just stayed with the impulses long enough without acting them out, I would soon find out what was really happening inside of me and what I needed to do about it. Once again, my eating disorder was not the curse I had believed, but it was in fact my most trustworthy messenger.

Additionally, the more I worked with my eating issues and my spirituality, the more I started believing that my body was in fact using cravings to call me to itself so that I could become a fully present human being. When I was not ensconced in my addiction, I had a tendency to live in my mind, lost in a world of thought that kept me away from what was truly happening in the present. Inhabiting my head often got me into all kinds of trouble, as I was living in the past or the future, not aware of the often simpler and kinder reality of the now. What I learned is that the only way to bring myself into the present was to come into my body. As Eckhart Tolle, in his revolutionary book The Power of Now tells us: “The fact is that no one has ever become enlightened through denying or fighting the body…In the end, you will always have to return to the body, where the essential work of transformation takes place.” (p.95) Every craving, every overfull feeling, every moment of emptiness I experienced after a purge forced me to leave the safety of my mind to enter my body, moving me a step closer to being fully awake. This learning still fills me with gratitude for all of my body’s messages, however inconvenient or painful they may feel at times.

Sometime, I forget that there is nothing wrong with me for still struggling with my weight and for not having healed myself quickly and efficiently. However, I soon remember that my struggle has been my greatest teacher, opening me to aspects of myself which I would have never chosen to face without my pain. Today, I am genuinely happy, not the fleeting kind of happy that arises out of a perfect body or a struggle-free life, but the kind of happy that comes from having traveled through my darkness and finding how much light and love is actually there.

So whether we struggle with food, alcohol, drugs, money, gambling, intimacy, or any other kind of pain, we can rest in the knowledge that the journey we have embarked upon is actually the journey towards true happiness. We can know that the lessons that our struggles are trying to teach us are the signposts on the road to peace and bliss. Our wound is our highest gift: let us treat it as such.

Do We Really Need Boundaries?

2003-01-20T13:07:00.000-07:00

The other day, a client informed me that she was
going to visit a nutritionist, as doing the Body Beloved philosophy of "accepting her body as is" was taking away all motivation to watch how she ate and exercised.

Last week, a workshop attendee expressed her fear that if she was to love her body, she would lose all drive to improve herself.

We need to ask, then: does the Body Beloved philosophy teach us that loving our bodies means letting go of all food and exercise boundaries? Does it tell us to be free of all constraints and “let it all hang out”?

In the healing work that I have done, I have identified two types of boundaries, those which originate from the outside and those which originate from the inside. The boundaries created by the outside include those boundaries created by our parents, extended families, friends, and society. Many of us who struggle with this issue often come from childhoods where outside boundaries were rigid, inflexible, and punishing, not only with regard to food but in other aspects of our lives as well. The cost of not following rules to the letter (this is important) often led to harsh and unpleasant punishment: we were told that these strict boundaries were necessary to correct our "badness" and that following them would bring out our “goodness”. We learned to internalize this belief.

As we grew up, we were automatically attracted to those outside authorities who also teach that strict and rigid rules will bring us goodness and happiness. This is what we knew to be true. Whether our families struggled with weight and body image issues or not, attaching ourselves to the societal expectations about our bodies fit our internal systems perfectly: follow strict and harsh rules and get rid of your badness and attain goodness and happiness.

We cannot underestimate the power of the hope in that promise: we all struggle with our darker side, and we are told that obeying these rules will help us get us rid of our negativities. Who could turn that promise down?

There is only one little problem: externally-derived, overly harsh rules can only be followed for so long before we rebel. (I’m not sure if this is because a deeper part of us knows that these boundaries are overly tight and rigid and often make no real sense, or if we are supposed to eventually rebel against external authorities in order to find our own internal authority. It could be both.) What I do know is that the tighter and the stricter the boundary, the stronger and louder my rebel: the pendulum has to swing as far back the other way. So we rebel, feeling the delicious and explosive release of those tight boundaries, swimming in the hard-earned sea of our freedom. We eat and we eat and we eat, reciting our silent “f. you” mantra along with every bite, bathed in ecstasy.
And then, our by now internalized authoritarian voice (I call her my authoritarian bitch, but you are free to call her anything you want!) rears up and comes charging at us, screaming: “how could you do this, you weak-willed, lazy, good-for-nothing pig? I told you to follow my rules and you broke them. I hope you feel shame, guilt, disappointment, and self-hatred for yourself. You deserve it.”

Our heads bow down for we know that voice is telling the truth. We are weak-willed and lazy and good for nothing. Thankfully, though, we know the answer: follow the authoritarian voice’s dictates once again, live within the rigid boundaries, and you will have a second chance for redemption.

And thus the cycle starts over and over again, keeping us stuck in the role-locks (understand, the roles are locked?) of authoritarian voice/bad girl who longs to be good, and authoritarian voice/rebel and then back to authoritarian voice/bad girl who longs to be good. How can we possibly have a way out of this hell?

We need to learn to let go of the boundaries we have culled from the outside world and develop authorities born inside of us, out of our own likes and dislikes, our own needs and preferences. Have you ever actually asked yourself what you’d want to body to look like and feel like if you had never compared yourself to our cultural standards? I look at Boticelli’s “The Birth of Venus” and find that Venus’ soft and rounded curves appeal to me way more than Kate Moss’ angular and bony frame. I look at the struggles I have had trying to “look perfect” and find that what I really want is to feel good, not look good. Now, if looking good comes as a side-benefit, wonderful. But today, if my choice is to feel better rather than look better –with all the crazy mind games and role locks that entails-, I’ll choose feeling better.

When I finally had the courage to surrender my authoritarian bitch, my societally-created boundaries, I discovered that I actually have a wise and responsible self who does in fact expect me to take care of my body, that has in fact given me boundaries to stick to so that I’ll feel better. That was huge, as I had always been told that without externally-derived boundaries, I would just be bad and stay bad. I eat fewer carbs and more protein and vegetables. Not because I expect myself to become thinner but because I long for more health and energy to propel myself through my crazy days. I rarely rebel against this boundary, because it is a boundary that I have created from MY likes and dislikes, not what some external source told me to do. That’s what I want. Now, do you know what you want?

The Body Beloved and Perfection

2002-11-30T13:06:00.000-07:00

After reading my first article, a number of people expressed concern about my admission that I sometimes still struggle with food and body image. "You are the Body Beloved's primary salesperson", they said, "you can't tell people that you still struggle".

I started pondering what it is indeed I am "selling". Am I selling you the attainment of a "perfect" relationship with your body, mistake-free, selfless, and constantly aware? Am I telling you that this is your goal, that you will reach it in x number of days, weeks, or months?

I decided to look around at other relationships in my life to see if such perfection existed. Do I have "perfect relationship" with my husband or with my kids? With my friends, or with my family? Do I even expect to? The answer is a resounding "no, no, and no!"

So what do I expect of myself in those relationships? I expect and strive to be my best, to remember the Other before making relational decisions, and to take responsibility for my forgetting whenever I do. I expect that I will sometimes bulldoze the Other in order to get my needs met and I expect that I will sometimes have a hard time owning up to having done so. I expect that my impulses will sometimes get the best of me and that I will be unkind or unfair to another. And I expect to give myself a break after making such mistakes, for I trust myself to learn from them.

Do I mentally abuse myself when I am not "perfect" in these close relationships? Do I spent the next two hours calling myself "weak", "out-of-control", "disgusting", or any other such disparaging words? Do I go into a depressed funk, losing all faith at my ability to be a loving human being?

The answer of course is "no", for I know that I am human and cannot attain perfect relationship. Why is it, then, that so many of us expect us to attain this perfection in our relationship with our bodies? Why is it that we demand perfect control, discipline, selflessness, and awareness 24 hours a day and then mentally torture ourselves when we veer off course even slightly?

We have to get this: we will never attain perfect relationship with our bodies. We will make mistakes. We will override our bodies' needs so as to get our own met. We will forget that our bodies feel the impact of our actions. And we will act out our thoughts and emotions onto our bodies.

Can we stand this truth? Can we actually surrender to it, let ourselves breathe a big sigh of relief and open our hearts to imperfection and forgiveness? Can we actually believe that happiness comes from the acceptance of imperfection, not its rigid denial? A quote in the Pathwork, a spiritual path, describes this best: "The more you accept imperfection, the more joy you will give and receive. Your capacity for joy and happiness depends on your capacity to accept imperfection, not just intellectually, but as an emotional experience. And only as you accept imperfection can you lead a joyful life and derive enjoyment out of your relationships, all of which are bound to be imperfect." (Pathwork lecture #97)

I promise you this: do the Body Beloved work and you will transform your relationship with your body in ways that you never imagined. Practice its philosophy and you will find yourself filled with more and more love for your body. Remember, though, you will make mistakes and you will forget. But it is the quality of your responses to your mistakes that will determine your next course of action: respond with guilt and shame, and create further abuse both for yourself and your body. Respond with forgiveness and compassion and create love and acceptance.

I know which one I choose.

Blessings to all.

Welcome and what to expect every month

2002-11-04T13:04:00.000-07:00

Welcome to all of you! I hope you are enjoying navigating through this website, for this work means a great deal to me. I hope you can learn from it as much as I have.

As you know, we are a nation of people whose relationship with their bodies is tenuous at best, abusive and aggressive at worst: obesity and eating disorders are rampant as are our obsession with thinness and perfection. I know of five year-olds who think they are fat and talk to 70 year-olds who hate their bodies...

Let me tell you something: to heal our issues with our bodies is NOT easy. I have struggled with bulimia for thirty years and still find that certain days of the month (you know which these are, ladies... oh, and maybe you men too...) bring me much difficulty. During those times, I go unconscious, forget that my body exists, and live either for my next bite or for the next work-out that will hopefully get rid that one bite-too-many! I just went through one of those periods, and let me tell you, I'm glad to be out.

Today, I remember my body. I remember that my body is a miraculous system who deserves gentle and loving care. I remember that I am not alone in this relationship and that both my needs and my body's needs can be met. I remember that I need to take the time to listen to my body and that doing so will bring me energy, clarity, a feeling of well-being. My body allows me to be here right now, thinking, intuiting, writing. It is allowing you to read, to take in information, or to raise your eyebrows in exasperation. It will allow you to turn me off when you are done and to go on to whatever kind of day is waiting for you. And it'll hopefully allow you to show at least one person today that you love them.

I will try to keep these articles short so that you can keep up with me. I plan on making these articles reflect my and others' journey through the Body Beloved. Because it is, as many have said, a journey, not a destination. I don't know if my relationship with my body will ever be perfect. Every time I remember that it exists, though, that it has needs, that it accomplishes much for me, I am a step closer to that heart-based relationship I am so longing to have.

So I hope you will join me in this journey. And I hope you will share your journey with me through your e-mails, including responses to my articles and to my web site. I can't do it alone. I need you.

Blessings,
Isabelle