Body Beloved Articles

I've fallen in love with my body! You can too!

2009-08-04T15:39:00.000-06:00

"When we feel love and kindness toward others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace."
The Dalai Lama

How often do you practice loving acts towards your Body? Most people who struggle with negative body image and disordered eating are stuck in a cycle of destruction and punishment that is closer to a relationship from hell than a loving partnership. The relationship is also more often about getting rather than giving, as you focus on what your Body can do for you rather than what you can do for your Body. This can lead to pain and emptiness, as it runs counter to the souls that we really are.

Can you remember falling in love? When I first met my future husband, I only saw the best in him and continually felt the impulse to make loving gestures towards him. I wanted him to know how much I loved and appreciated him and wanted him to feel the pleasure of receiving love. I drove almost an hour to personally deliver him flowers after our third date, offered him countless massages, and liked nothing better than cooking dinners to make him happy. It never felt like I was forcing myself to act lovingly. It felt effortless, as though I had finally uncovered who I had always wanted to be.

Active Loving asks you to behave toward your body (or another) as though you had just fallen in love. Your task is to help your Body feel appreciated, supported, valued and enjoyed. You are going to learn to romance your Body by showing it through definite actions (taught below) that you see it with the awe and reverence that it deserves.

You might initially be resistant to implement these tasks. Who wants to act lovingly towards someone you have despised your whole life? Many of the actions might feel forced and you might even feel resentful that you have to do something for another that you don’t want to do (especially if you already do a lot for others, which many people do). The most exciting point to remember is what Ralph Waldo Emerson said: “It is one of the most beautiful compensations of this life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself." When you practice loving acts of kindness, you connect to your heart, your soul, and engage it to work it for you. Though it might feel strenuous in the short-term, the long-term rewards of connecting to love, gratitude, and giving are incomparable. Try some of these exercises and see. What do you have to lose? You can always go back to what you’ve been doing, right?

Exercises

• Make a gratitude list every night: At night, write down at least 5 things that you are grateful for about your body. Just watch and see how it changes your outlook!

• Practice giving gratitude to your body throughout the day. This can occur when you are exercising (thank you muscles, thank you heart, etc…), after you eat (thank you digestive system…), when you walk (thank you muscles and bones…). The possibilities are endless and you will become increasingly connected to how incredible your body is!!

• Notice the gifts that your relationship with your Body has brought you. Your Body is a most important spiritual partner: it teaches you important relationship skills; is a mirror of where you still need work; and it takes on the many unloving actions you dole out. Thank it for its endless patience, compassion, and love.

• Do a monthly Valentine/Birthday Day for your Body. This is a day of giving special treatment to your Body. It is a day in which you fully give of yourself to thank your Body for all it does for you. This could include a massage (yeah!), an embodied hike, lots of nutritious foods, etc…

• Whenever you notice that you are in the middle of Outside-In thinking (I hate my stomach, I look fat in these pants, I wish I had lost weight…), immediately CHANGE YOUR PERCEPTION and drop into the Inside-Out: put your focus on a body part, from a cell to a whole system, bring awareness to how this body part helps you in your life, and thank it from deep in your heart. This exercise can be done hundreds of times a day. It rewires brain physiology and hugely impacts your mind and body.

• Learn something new about your Body every day/every week. We know so little about what our bodies do for us every second of the day. I have a huge Body Atlas which I keep at my bedside and I make sure to read at least one new piece of information about my body every day.

Join the Body Beloved Revolution by signing up for my bi-monthly newsletter at www.bodybeloved.com. You can also join the Facebook Body Beloved Revolution Newsletter and sign up for a tip-a-day on how to love your body on Twitter.

Are you a Giver or a Taker?

2009-08-04T15:37:00.000-06:00

In the last few months, you have learned to be in deep contact with your body, to listen to your body, and to communicate lovingly with your body. This month, we focus on the practice of Give and Take, a “must” skill for anyone in a loving relationship. Unhealthy relationships are often imbalanced in this area, with one person doing most of the giving while the other is doing most of the taking. This becomes a win/lose situation. A healthy relationship requires you to sometimes give and sometimes take, sometimes get your needs met and sometimes meet the other’s needs. This requires love, compassion, and patience, and faith that balancing giving and taking can be a win/win situation.

Let’s focus on practicing Give and Take in your relationship with your body. What happens when you’ve listened to your body and uncovered that it needs something different than you? Your body might want some protein because you’ve just worked out while you are dying for warm chocolate chip cookies to reward your hard efforts. Your body might be telling you it’s full while you want to keep on eating. Don’t you wish you had not learned to listen to your body?! When you didn’t listen, it was so much easier to do what exactly what you wanted! Now that you’re listening, you have to decide how you are going to take your body’s needs into account.

Conflicting needs are a daily occurrence in relationships. Some of these are simple, such as when your partner wants to take a nap while you want to see a movie or when a friend wants to go out partying while you want to watch reruns of Lost. Others are more complex, such as when your partner wants to move to Hawaii while you could never leave New York, or when you want to have a child while your spouse wants to remain childless. How do you work with conflicting needs? Do you usually give in to another or do you meet your needs first? Are you a giver or a taker? The way you were raised might answer these questions. You might have been raised to take others’ needs into account first or you might have learned to take care of yourself first.

Consider three choices in the process of Give and Take. 1. In the first, you give and the other takes. If your body needs protein while you want cookies, you give your Body the protein it needs and forego the cookies. This can often feels like deprivation to those who struggle with food issues. 2. The second choice involves you taking and the other giving. You have the cookies and ignore the body’s needs. While this can initially make you feel great, you can end up malnourished and unhealthy. 3. The third choice involves compromise. Rather than a win/lose situation –one person has to lose if the other wins-, you make it win/win by meeting both of your needs, though not necessarily always at the same time.

What does the win/win choice look like? Here are a couple of examples. 1. You give your Body protein and then have your chocolate chip cookies. You feed your Body what it needs and still nurture yourself. Deprivation does not even enter your mind, as you know that you will still get what you want. 2. You have your cookies first while kindly promising your Body that you will feed it protein later. This creates balance in the system and a nourished Body that can support you in your life. In either case, both entities in the relationship are taken into account, something which does not usually happen when we are in the middle of a binge.

In the next couple of exercises, you will first assess how you practice Give and Take in your relationship with your body today. In the next one, you practice a more skillful balance of Give and Take.

Part I: Assessing the current relationship

Let’s look at the way you currently practice Give and Take in your relationship with your body. NOTICE what you do when you Body tells you it wants something and you want something different. Let’s say you’ve listened to your Body tell you that it wants greens while you really want ice cream. What’s your immediate reaction? Do you want to hear your body? Do you want to ignore it? Do you want what you want when you want it, regardless of the consequences? If you are in a safe situation, say it out loud to your body: “I don’t CARE what you want”, as though you were speaking to a partner. Bringing that voice into consciousness and being truthful shows you an honest mirror of who you are in the relationship. This allows you to decide whether this is good enough for you or whether you want to make changes.

What do you want? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
What does Body want?
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
What do you want to do about it (be honest)?
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Part II: Shifting the relationship

To improve on this skill, practice balanced give-and-take by making sure that both of your needs (you and your body) are met, though that doesn’t necessarily need to happen at the same time.

After you’ve listened to your needs and your body’s needs, if they are different, you have two choices: You can either a) decide to give yourself what you want first, but make sure to meet your body’s needs later: “I will eat chocolate now but I promise to give you protein and vegetables later tonight”. (When you speak to your body, use a loving tone of voice and make sure to follow through on your promise); or b) feed your body what it’s asking for and take care of yourself later: “I will give you protein and veggies now and will have ice cream tonight”. You will quickly notice how any possible deprivation thoughts will disappear when you know that you too will be taken care of. And amazingly, I often find that I don’t want the ice cream (or whatever I thought I really wanted) after I’ve fed my body what it needed.

What do you want? ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
What does Body want?
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
What do you want to do about it if you practice loving Give and Take?
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

At the end of both of these exercises, take the time to reflect on the practice of Give and Take. Know that there is no perfect way to do it, just a continued consideration of both partners in the relationship and a striving to be kind and loving to both.

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How do you speak to your body?

2009-07-08T14:15:00.003-06:00

10 Steps to Loving your Body: Step #3: Loving Communication

This article focuses on the way you communicate to your Body. Communication is a vital aspect of relationship, determining much of a relationship’s quality. Communicate with love and respect and you create a healthy and thriving relationship. Communicate with harsh and shaming words and the relationship flounders. This is especially true of your relationship with your body, as mind and body are intricately connected. Loving words towards your body can heal and repair while critical words can create sickness and disease.

Following are four steps to get you to communicate with love:

Step #1: Assessing your current skill level:
The first step in working with your communication skills is to identify your current skill level: how do you presently communicate with your body? Do you speak words of gratitude and loving-kindness, such as you are wonderful, I am so grateful for how hard you work for me, or I know you are tired, sweetie, but you need to hold on tight for a couple of more hours? Or do you speak impatiently and critically, such as you are disgusting and fat, I hate you, I wish you were different, everyone else’s body is better than mine?

Exercise
Keep a log on your journal for the next week of how you speak to your body. Divide the page in two. On one side, record negative communication and on the other side, record positive communication. At the end of the week, tally up the scores and see where you stand at in speaking lovingly to your body.

Step #2: Uncovering the origin of the negative communication pattern:
The next step asks you to recall where you learned your communication skills. Did anyone ever speak to you critically? Did you hear others speak harshly? We all internalize our caretakers’ patterns of communication and then replicate them in our own lives. And though we work very hard not to act them out onto others, swearing that we will never ever talk to anyone the way we were spoken to, we can unwittingly act them out onto our body.

Exercise
Spend about 15 minutes a few times a week journaling childhood communication patterns. Sit quietly with your eyes closed and ask to remember examples of how people communicated in your environment. Let memories bubble up to the surface and write them down as soon as they do, not judging them or editing them. You might notice that one parent frequently used critical words or that there were specific areas in your life where you were shamed, such as sports or body size.

Step #3: Are you ready to change the communication pattern?:
Choosing the change the negative communication is not always so obvious for a number of different reasons: 1) our society condones us being controlling and tough towards our body. We are taught that using shame and criticism will propel us towards change, while love and kindness are considered weak and ineffective; 2) our body can’t show us the impact that our harsh words have, unlike a child or a friend or a partner who might cry, or get angry, or rebel; 3) changing communication habits is difficult and requires commitment, vigilance, and hard work.

It is important to know that negative interactions DO seriously affect your body. Negative thoughts harm the body by slowing down growth and healing, increasing your vulnerability to disease and speeding up aging. Positive thoughts allow the body to grow and heal. strengthening your immune system and your life. Go to www.eruptingmind.com/how-thoughts-effect-body/ to hear a fascinating interview by Bruce Lipton on how thoughts affect the body.

Exercise
List the pros and cons of changing your communication patterns towards your body, including your beliefs about using loving language rather than critical language.
For example, I might say:
Pro of using loving words: I will strengthen my immune system
Con: I might not push my body as hard which scares me as I might gain weight.

When you have finished your list, add up the pros and cons and see which list is bigger. If you have more pros, proceed to the next step. If not, you are free to continue talking to your body as you wish.

Step #4: Changing the communication pattern:
If you have decided to change the way you talk to your body, how do you do it? . It can be really overwhelming to think of transforming the thousands of negative thoughts that run through our head on any given day. The only way to change your patterns is to focus on one communication at a time. Every time you catch yourself saying something unkind or critical to your body (or about your body), STOP, TAKE A BREATH, and RE-ROUTE the message. Say something kind and loving to your body, even if you think that you are faking it at first. Imagine the way a loving parent talks to their child and use those kinds of words and that tone of voice towards your body.

Expressing gratitude is one of the most effective re-routing techniques, as it helps you actually connect to your body and to the gifts that it showers you with every minute of every day. Instead of saying you are fat, find something wonderful that your body does for you. This could be thank you heart for keeping me alive, or Thank you muscles for letting me move. Instead of saying you are disgusting and weak, say Thank you digestive system for working so hard with the foods I give you or thank you brain for letting me think and learn and feel.
Re-routing your patterns requires constant repetition. At first, it might feel like you will never be able to change fast enough or that changing requires too much effort. I promise you that EVERY time you STOP and RE-ROUTE your thoughts, you are creating new neural pathways in your brain that will eventually become the norm rather than the exception. One day, you will notice that you have not said one critical word to your body all day and you will be amazed at how good you feel.

P.S. As usual, it is exciting to note that the effects of practicing positive communication towards your body will permeate every relationship in your life as well! You will quickly become aware when you use unkind or critical words towards others and will know how to shift into loving communication. This work is so worth it!

Exercise
Whenever you notice a negative communication towards your body, stop and change your words to love-based or gratitude-based ones. Remember, it might feel as though you are faking it at first but even then, you are actually rewiring neural pathways and positively impacting your body.

The more you actually connect to body parts as you speak kindly to them, the more real it is going to feel. When I say thank you to my heart, I actually imagine my heart beating; when I express gratitude to my digestive system, I imagine my stomach and my intestines digesting the food I gave it.

Go to www.bodybeloved.com and sign up for my bi-monthly newsletter, The Body Beloved Revolution Facebook community, and a Twitter once-a-day tip on how to love your body. We need everyone involved in this Revolution!

10 Steps to loving your Body: Deep Listening

2009-04-26T14:10:00.001-06:00

This month in 10 Steps to Loving Your Body, we focus on our ability to listen to our body. This can be a radical concept for many of us, as we are so used to listening to our minds’ ideas about what our body needs. Our minds have ordered us to eat low-carb diets, macrobiotic diets, low-fat diets, and eat-a-rock-a-day-diet (just joking!), never once listening to our body to see if that’s what it really needs. Our minds have demanded that we run 10 miles a day, work out when we were sick, and stuff ourselves to extreme discomfort, totally disconnected from any warning sensations from the body. Often when we have listened to our bodies, we’ve chosen to ignore its messages, as they haven’t matched what our mind really wants. We don’t want to know that our body is exhausted because we’d have to slow down. We don’t want to hear that our body is full because we want to eat whatever we want.

When we don’t listen to our body, we lose contact with a vital relationship in our life. Not listening allows us to neglect, abandon, and abuse our body, leaving us exhausted, malnourished, and sometimes sick. Can you see how much pain and suffering this has created?

After many years of struggle, I have learned that listening to the body is the only way out of suffering, as only the body truly knows what its needs are. Our minds don’t have to “figure out” the latest diet or exercise fad. We don’t have to count calories, go on the scale twice a day, and know what we will eat a week from now. Our bodies will tell us exactly what we need if we are willing to listen in the moment. And if we are willing to act upon what we hear, we move towards peace and a healthy body.

Let’s imagine a day when you listen to your body and follow its messages. You wake up alert and refreshed because you went to bed when you were tired. You check in with your body’s hunger level throughout the day, eat when it’s hungry (but not waiting till you are famished) and stop when it’s slightly full. You listen to its need for movement and hear that it wants to feel strength, so you lift some weights (or it could want movement so you do yoga; or it might long for strenuous activity, so you take a run; or it might just want rest, so you take a day off). As your listening practice becomes stronger, you notice when your body needs to move positions in the chair that you sit it in all day; what parts of your body need to relax due to tension; and what emotions want to be felt so that they don’t have to be held by your body. The more you listen, the better you feel.

If listening can bring us so many gifts, why is it so hard to listen? Your ability to listen is a direct result of the kind of listening you experienced growing up as you internalized your family’s listening skills and made them your own. How were you listened to as a child? Did people take the time to sit down with you, to give you time and space, curiosity and clear intent that they wanted to hear you?

Growing up in a chaotic family environment, my primary caretakers did not have the time, desire, or energy to listen to me. This led me to shut down my own listening abilities, especially when the object of my listening did not communicate clearly. I’ve always envied those mothers who knew how to differentiate between their babies’ cries. “Oh, this is an ‘I need to change my diaper cry,’” they say, rushing to their diaper bag. Or, “my baby’s hungry, or my baby’s tired, I can hear it in the crying.” I was one of those mothers who had no clue what each of those cries were and who tried three different things in the hopes of finally hitting pay dirt. It was the same with my body. I could not tell when my body told me that it was tired or hungry or full. The Body, like the child, is not always clear with its communication. It sometimes speaks symbolically, often quietly, and sometimes confusingly. I did not know how to really listen and ended up hurting my body for years.

As I learned to listen, I uncovered three levels of listening. Check in with yourself to see where you are now and what you can work toward:
• Level I: You don’t listen to your body and let your mind, the outside-in, make the decisions for your body. This can lead to much pain and suffering. I lived in Level I for years with my eating disorder.
• Level II: You start to listen but don’t necessarily want to hear what your body has to say. This leads us to interrupt, build our defenses instead of listening, and find all kinds of ways to not really hear. Many of us stay stuck at this level, not just with our bodies but with others as well.
• Level III: You’ve learned to listen deeply and let what you hear impact the choices you make. This does not mean that you have to always act upon what you hear. There are times that it’s just not possible to take a rest if your body tells you it’s exhausted, for example, or to eat if your body tells you it’s hungry. It does mean, however, that you have fully listened, taken the information into consideration, and then made the most loving choice available at your disposal.

It is important to know that listening is a process, as are all the other relational skills. Will you ever be a perfect listener? Maybe, for a few moments, from time to time. Be kind and patient with yourself and know that practicing this skill will heal not only your relationship with your body but other relationships as well.

In each column, I offer short-term exercises for you to practice throughout your day and long-term exercises for you to practice in dedicated, longer periods of time. I strongly encourage you to use a journal to be a witness to your process and to truly take the time to explore these exercises. They will change your life.

Short-term Exercise
Pick a listening skill that you struggle with in regards to your body. It could be listening to its hunger, its fullness, its need for rest, its need for exercise…This month, carry your journal with you and practice listening to your body’s messages, writing down what you hear regardless of whether you follow through on the message or not. I find that setting a schedule of listening works best as our lives can get so busy. For example, check in with your body at wake up time, 10:00 a.m., 1:00 p.m., 4:00 p.m., 7:00 p.m., and 10:00 p.m.

As an example, this is what it might look like if I am practicing listening to hunger:
• Wake up time (6:00 a.m.): On a level of 1-10 (10 being most hungry), I am at a hunger level of 7
• 10:00 a.m.: Hunger level of 4
• 1:00 p.m.: Hunger level of 9
• 4:00 p.m.: Hunger level of 4
• 7:00 p.m.: Hunger level of 7
• 10:00 p.m.: Hunger level of 3

If you want to really challenge yourself, practice a different skill every week. I might be listening to my body’s fullness level a second week, its need for rest another, and its need for movement the fourth.

Long-term Exercises
1. Explore how you were listened to in childhood and journal your impressions. Were there different listening styles from different family members? Take the time to get quiet and see if any memories come up. Do you remember a time when you weren’t listened to? A time when you were? Do you remember how either felt?

2. Compare and contrast how you listen today, to yourself, to your body, and to others. Is your listening style similar to what you grew up with? Where is it different?

3. How do you react when what your body has different needs than your mind’s? Do you ignore what you hear? Do you give up what you want? Again, correlate this to your childhood experiences.

10 Steps to loving your Body: Deep Listening

2009-04-26T14:09:00.000-06:00

Listening to your Body at mealtimes ain't so easy...

2009-04-26T13:55:00.003-06:00

It's lunchtime and I have listened well enough to my body to know that I am hungry. I start fantasizing about the different lunches available to me. I could have a tortilla with turkey and cheese and avocado. I could have a salad with turkey and avocado. I have a gluten-free pizza in the freezer or I could see if there are any leftovers in the fridge.
I suddenly stop and realize that I have not asked my BODY what it wants and needs!!!! In all the work that I teach, I talk about listening to your body, treating it as a partner with whom you are in relationship. I talk about the process of give and take, seeing what you want, seeing what the body wants, and then finding a way to make it win/win for both. But I HAVEN'T DONE THAT! I haven't listened and soon realize that I don't WANT to listen!! I don't want to take the time to ask my body what it wants and don't want to find out what it is anyway, as I want to eat what I want to eat regardless of what my body tells me.
Twenty years of experience (and some shame as I teach this work!) tells me that not listening to my body's needs can often result in much suffering. I will overeat, undereat, not meet my body's nutritional requirements and end up exhausted, will obsess, overthink, and so on...So I need to challenge myself and take the time and space to listen.
I get quiet and close my eyes and ask my body what it needs. At first, I get nothing not necessarily because it's not speaking but because I clearly don't want to know so I am blocking any information that might be coming my way. I ask again, this time, trying to actually genuinely listen. Nothing again. I feel my hunger but that's about it. Again, I check to see if I am really listening and realize that I am still not. Aarrgghhh. Finally, I connect to how my body is FEELING, in the present. Is it grounded or ungrounded? Does it need fast energy? Is it feeling lethargic? As I keep asking these questions, an image of my gluten-free tortilla pops into my head and FEELS good. The turkey and cheese also show up as a picture and feel good as well, like my body will truly benefit from them. It's like I'm getting a sensation of how I will feel after eating those foods and my body just feels better. It feels right.
I'm off to eat my lunch. I'm so grateful that the information came from my body and not from my head, as I would have forever doubted if I made the "right" choice (according to my latest mind rules). I will trust my body, check in in an hour or two, and keep refining my listening abilities as I move along this process.
Let me know how you listen to your body!

Ending Our Enslavement to the Scale Once And For All!

2009-03-31T14:51:00.003-06:00

When you wake up in the morning, do you immediately want to jump on the scale or examine your body in the mirror?

What is it you are trying to accomplish? What Gods are you trying to appease? Is it the God of the outside-in, the one who tells you that you are okay or not by the pounds you weigh or the flesh on your abdomen?

Let's slow the process down and notice what happens...You wake up, not fully conscious yet, not wholly in your body. The first thoughts that come to you are "how did I do last night?; Was I "good"?; Did I lose weight?; Was I "bad"?; Did I overeat and put on 2 pounds?. Uncertainty and anxiety arise. It feels imperative to have the mirror or the scale TELL YOU if you are okay, if you are good enough. The numbers are your masters, your authorities, the ones who can make or break your day by their split-second pronouncements. Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the thinnest one of all?

Every morning, you hope that these authorities will reward you, tell you indeed that you are good enough, maybe even great. You will then be able to go on with your day with your head high, your confidence raised, and maybe even a swagger in those thin hips of yours. Be aware, though,that this happiness is fleeting: eat 100 calories "too much", run 5 mns less than you "should" and you could quickly incur the wrath of your gods all over again. You are not safe for long.

What about those days when the scale or the mirror, the Gods, tell you instead that you have gained weight? Without a doubt, you are being told that you are a screw-up, a failure, a weakling, a good-for-nothing human being who will never succeed at anything but stuffing your face. Your day is ruined. You throw on your largest sweatpants, a large shirt, and try to hide your body most of the day. You spend your time battling between the gods who are ordering you to starve yourself today because you deserve to be punished and the part of you that wants to eat and eat and eat because you are worthless anyway...Can you see how much pain you let into your life through these Gods?

Is there a solution, a way to free yourself from these Gods that they can stop ruling your life with an iron fist???

GET RID OF THE SCALE!!!(or any external ways to evaluate your body, including the mirror, pants, etc..)

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to get rid of these false Gods as soon as you are ready. Can you understand that you have been letting "things" define who you are and/or whether you are good enough? Are you aware by now that these false Gods won't ever bring you the happiness that they promise you? Are you willing to take a leap of faith and find out who you are and who your Body is from the inside-out?

I promise you that you will discover a journey filled with so much more happiness than you ever expected. Yes, the false gods give you the short-term, immediate possibility of pleasure (if you've been good), but they drag along with it a tremendous amount of pain as well. Working from the inside-out is not as immediately pleasurable, but it will bring you joy and peace and love that is deep and lasting.

Let me know when you get rid of your false Gods! Let's take this journey to the inside-out together.

Body Beloved Interview: How To Love Your Body

2009-02-20T07:57:00.000-07:00

FEATURED INTERVIEW in Vive News, 2/18/09

real world, real people, real results
The Body Beloved, the inside out way of loving your body
with Isabelle Tierney

Isabelle Tierney is a licensed marriage and family therapist who holds an M.A. from Tufts University in Child Development, a certificate in Play Therapy, a certificate in Brennan Healing Science, and an M.A. from Boston University in International Relations and Communications. She's been in private practice internationally since 1996 with a specialty in eating disorders.

We sat down with Isabelle Tierney to learn more about her Body Beloved philosophy. Here's what she had to say.

VIVE: Please share with us broadly the philosophy that you have developed that helps us learn how to love our bodies from the inside out.

ISABELLE: Yes, it's called Body Beloved, the inside out way of loving your body. I have found that most of us try to love our bodies by loving the outside of our bodies. We say to ourselves, "If my body looks good from the outside, if it looks thin enough or buff enough, then I can love my body. If it isn't perfect from the outside, then I need to hate my body." A much deeper and more effortless way to love your body is to love it from the inside out because our bodies are incredible, magnificent creations that are capable of doing miracles for us 24/7.

VIVE: It sounds like you dive into more of the internal interactions of how we view and treat our bodies. When I go to the gym, I think about whether I was good or bad because I had those four cookies last night.

ISABELLE: One of the ways that I work with the body is by seeing it as a partner, a partner that I can choose to love or hate. I used to go to the gym to lose weight because my thin body meant that I was "good enough". This became obsessive and exhausting and eventually fruitless, because the size of my thighs does not determine who I really am. It also led me to constantly hate my body, because it could never be as thin as I thought it should be. Now I go to the gym with a completely different attitude. I go to the gym to actively love my body, to give it a gift to thank it for all the work it constantly does for me. For example, I dedicate my workout to a specific body part, be it my heart, my muscles, my bones. As I exercise, I focus and feel gratitude for that body part, and my workouts become filled with love and with joy rather than hate and obsession. It's fabulous!

VIVE: So you find that this is actually motivating? I like how you're talking about dedicating an action to an outcome. Now, when it comes to eating how do you apply this same philosophy?

ISABELLE: Same thing, right? We're eating to feed our bodies, and the more we eat things that support our bodies, the more the body is going to thrive. When you give it, let's say, avocados and salmon, this is actually food that the body can use to feel better and work better for you. When I eat junk, I think, "My body's just having to work harder for no reason just because I'm wanting those cookies." I try as often as I can to eat food that actually enhances and helps my body stay strong and healthy. Then it's a win-win. If I give it good food, it's going to work better which, in turn, means I'm going to feel better.

In seeing my body as my partner, I actually practice four relationship skills that we all use every day with people in our lives. Practicing these skills does not only make me take better care of my body but also improves my ability to use them towards other relationships as well! Skill #1: Listening. How well do I listen to my body, its hunger, its fullness, its tiredness? Skill #2: Positive Communication. Do I speak kindly towards my body? Do I use loving words? Skill #3: Give and Take. How do we meet our body's needs and our personality's needs when they aren't always in sync, ie. when I want a cookie and my body really needs vegetables. Skill #4: Active Loving. Can I do a loving act towards my body at least once a day, treating it as though it was my beloved?

VIVE: Our theme for this issue of VNN is Valentine's Day or love. What's one thing you'd leave us with in closing?

ISABELLE: That you're missing out on the most loving relationship in your whole life if you miss out on seeing what a partner you have with your body. There is literally no other partner out there that is as perfect, amazing and miraculous as your body and we often miss it because we are so busy hating how it looks! The Body Beloved is all about inviting you to shift your perception of your body from the outside-in to the inside-out, allowing you to open up to love and gratitude every day of your life.

VIVE: Thank you Isabelle. We look forward to speaking with you again soon and providing us with monthly tips on how to love our bodies.

ISABELLE: Thank you.

Practicing a Miracle with your Body:Shifting your Perception

2008-05-05T15:55:00.000-06:00

In my last columns, I wrote about practicing relationship skills with our bodies, allowing us to heal not only that relationship, but our relationships with others as well. Today, I focus on the first relationship skill, Active Attention.

One of the reasons so many of us struggle with our Bodies is because we don’t really see them for what they are. We only see the surface, the outside, and miss out on the depth and wonder of the inside. Just like when we make conclusions about someone from his/her external appearance, our society has taught us to make conclusions about our bodies from the way they look: is your body thin enough? Does it have cellulite? Are your breasts perky or droopy? Is your stomach flat? The answers to these questions determine what we think and feel about our bodies: if it’s thin enough, we like our body. If it’s not, it’s unworthy and shameful. This is a form of prejudice that creates tremendous hatred and violence.

Practicing Active Attention provides an antidote to our distorted seeing. We expand our focus beyond surface appearance to the whole Body, inside and out. We shift our perception from seeing our body as a lifeless object to a life-filled entity which performs miracles for us 24/7. Do you know that your heart beats 100,000 times a day? Or that there are 3 million cells in one square inch of skin whose sole purpose is to protect you from environmental stressors? Can you imagine that your blood goes on a 60,000 mile journey and circulates in your body in 23 seconds?

Today, make a commitment to really getting to know your Body, the way we get to know a Beloved when we first fall in love. Who is your Body? What do you know about your cells, your intestines, your heart, your blood? Have you ever thought about the wonders of your bones or your muscles? I promise you this: the more energy you spend practicing Active Attention with your Body, the more peace, love, and well-being you will reap. It’s a win/win situation!

Daily Camera Interview, 4/28/08

2008-04-30T14:51:00.001-06:00

Interview with Isabelle in the Daily Camera of Boulder

Brief bio: (include what you do for a living here):
I am a licensed marriage and family therapist who specializes in body image, eating disorders, and relationship problems. I am also an energy healer, graduate of the Barbara Brennan School of Healing. I am passionate about eating disorders education and prevention, co-founding the Boulder County Eating Disorders Coalition and doing trainings throughout the State. I am writing a book, the Body Beloved: the Inside-out Way to Loving your Body, that introduces the radical proposition that your relationship with your body offers a rich spiritual path designed to help you uncover your Highest Self.
Philosophy when working with clients:
I believe in working from love and acceptance. To heal means to make whole, not rejecting any parts of ourselves but rather embracing them with compassion. I believe that our bodies are magnificent creations who deserve kindness and care and that healing our relationship with them can benefit that relationship and our relationship with others, both past and present.
How did you get involved with health care?
I struggled with an eating disorder for most of my young adult life. In my healing journey, I learned that eating disorders are not merely an obstacle we need to get rid of but are integral in helping us become more loving human beings. I became a therapist to help others heal with that understanding.
What are your favorite healthy foods? Your favorite workouts?
I practice living in relationship with my body, listening to its needs, taking into account my own, and finding ways to meet both. If I really want French fries, I will have them but will make sure to meet my body’s needs later through some protein or vegetables. Or if my Body tells me it needs to move while I’d rather stay on the couch, I will go to the gym but will make sure to take a nice hot bath for my own pleasure later. This is a relationship that requires me to be present to what is happening in the moment rather than living from a fixed set of rules that have nothing to do with me or my Body.
What is the best health advice you ever received? Eat when hungry. Stop before you’re full. It is so simple and yet so difficult to practice. It’s the only true way to feed our bodies, as it takes our bodies’ needs into account. Who else BUT your body knows what it needs?!
What is your personal health care routine?
I only eat complex carbohydrates for lunch and breakfast, as my body has repeatedly shown me that it does not digest them well at night. I work out 5 to 6 days a week, because it gives me time to be with my body, to give it strength, and to increase its energy to support me in my busy life. I practice listening to my body and making decisions that create the most love. Am I perfect yet? No, and I will probably never be. But like with any relationship, I keep trying my best and let it teach me what I still have to learn.
How can people contact you?
You can call me at 303-817-6912, email me at isabelle@bodybeloved.com, or visit my web sites, www.bodybeloved.com, and www.thehabitexperts.com.

Do NOT Diet: It's Bad for your Health!

2007-04-12T10:36:00.000-06:00

This is the message a group of researchers is sending, saying that not only does dieting not work in the long term, but it is also potentially dangerous for your health. The study is published in the April edition of American Psychologist, the journal of the American Psychological Association and details the work of researchers from the University of California, Los Angeles, who reviewed 31 long-term studies lasting between 2 to 5 years. UCLA associate professor of psychology and lead author of the study, Traci Mann said: “You can initially lose 5 to 10 percent of your weight on any number of diets, but then the weight comes back. We found that the majority of people regained all the weight, plus more,” she added. “Diets do not lead to sustained weight loss or health benefits for the majority of people,” said Dr Mann, shattering an age-long belief that restraining from food for a period of time will help a person lose weight – and keep it that way. The study suggests that whatever benefits there are to be obtained through dieting, in the long run, negative side effects outweigh advantages. Dr Mann and her team analyzed every study they could find that followed people on diets for 2 to 5 years. Studies that take less than 2 years are “too short to show whether dieters have regained the weight they lost,” they said. They found that it would have been better for most of them if they had not gone on a diet at all. “Their weight would be pretty much the same, and their bodies would not suffer the wear and tear from losing weight and gaining it all back,” explained Dr Mann. Repeatedly losing and gaining weight has been linked, in previous studies, to cardiovascular disease, stroke, diabetes and altered immune function. While people on diets lose an average of 5 to 10 per cent of their weight in the first 6 months, 33 to 66 per cent of these persons regain more than what they lose within 4 to 5 years. And this is not a complete picture either. The figures do not reflect reality because participants phone or mail their results in themselves, without an impartial assessor. Also, many studies have a below 50 per cent follow up rate; and the people who put on a lot of weight are less likely to stay in touch. UCLA graduate student of psychology and co-author of the study, Janet Tomiyama said that “Several studies indicate that dieting is actually a consistent predictor of future weight gain.” She referred to a study that studied links between lifestyle and weight in 19,000 healthy older men over four years. This study found that, “One of the best predictors of weight gain over the four years was having lost weight on a diet at some point during the years before the study started,” she said. Dr Mann said: “Exercise may well be the key factor leading to sustained weight loss. Studies consistently find that people who reported the most exercise also had the most weight loss.” The study did not name any diets in particular, but looked at a broad spectrum of approaches. Professor Mann said in her opinion eating in moderation was a good idea for everybody as was regular exercise.

2007-02-15T15:06:00.000-07:00

In the mirror: Teens struggle with body image
By Aimee Heckel January 29, 2007

The 13-year-old girl refused to untie her sweater from around her waist.
She was ashamed of her stomach. She thought everyone was looking at how fat it was, like it was a deformity. She began dieting and weighing herself about 20 times a day.
She was at the edge of developing an eating disorder, but her mother caught her just in time. She brought her daughter to a therapist, and within two months, the girl began loosening up the sweater until she felt confident enough to lose it completely.
The girl's therapist described her as "teeny tiny" — no stomach bulge at all. But the girl saw her body differently.
Like many other American teenagers — mostly girls — she had a warped body image. A person's body image is not necessarily connected to reality, local therapists say.
Think: If you're having a good day and you feel upbeat, you are more likely to think you look good. If you're stressed and depressed, you are likely to feel unattractive, even if you look the same as you usually do.
Developing a healthy body image is crucial for adolescents; a negative image can lead to a lifetime of eating disorders and low self-esteem.
And these perceptions begin at the beginning. Even toddlers pick up messages from society, their parents, daycare and friends about how they should view their bodies. If parents don't clear up mixed messages and let their children know they are more than their body shape, children can start to act out dangerous eating habits.
Local therapists tell stories about increasingly more preteens popping diet pills, skipping lunch or heading to the bathrooms at school to purge what they do eat at lunch.
One 4-year-old girl refused to eat the snacks at her preschool because she was afraid of getting fat.
Two-thirds of all American girls have been on a diet before the age 10. Nearly half of 9- to 11-year-olds are "sometimes" or "very often" on diets, according to a study by Colgate University. Forty-two percent of first- to third-grade girls said they want to be thinner, another national study showed.
Eighty percent of 10-year-olds said in another national survey they were afraid of being fat.
Superior-based therapist Dorie McCubbrey knows that fear firsthand. She developed an eating disorder in elementary school, after seeing most of the women in her family diet regularly. Parents have a tremendous impact as role models for their children, be it good or bad, McCubbrey says.
"This is the season right now to be losing weight," says McCubbrey, who now counsels people on healthy weight maintenance and body acceptance. "There are healthy ways to lose weight, and if you are trying to lose weight, be very careful about what you say in front of your kids, because they will pick it up."
When a person's body image is inaccurate, it often means they're using their body as something they can change when they feel like their life is out of control, according to McCubbrey. She saw one 6-year-old girl who refused to eat after her parents got a divorce.
"Any kind of trauma, whether mild or severe, can trigger someone to use their body as a means of control," McCubbrey says. "And that needs to be taken very seriously."

'Your body's a wonderland'
Isabelle Tierney, a therapist in Boulder, says 80 percent of her clients struggle with their body image. She speaks to local students and trains school counselors about positive body image.
Few people admire their bodies for the "marvels" that they are, Tierney says. She often guides her clients through meditation where they think about their skin, muscles, blood, the cells and the complex organs inside.
"Nobody teaches kids and adolescents how incredible the body is, the way the muscles work," she says. "It allows me to jump, run, wrestle. When you start seeing your body, as opposed to an object that is supposed to look a certain way to be liked, but as a magnificent system — and if you take care of it, it'll work for you — it shifts you into an incredible place where you think, 'Wow, my body is amazing.'"
Tierney runs the Web site, www.bodybeloved.com, which teaches an "inside-out" view on body image. That means letting your inside define your outside, rather than letting your feelings depend on what's going on outside: How others view you, whether you're in a good mood, if you have a boyfriend or girlfriend.
Tierney recommends teaching this as young as possible.
"I have three kids myself, and I always say, 'What does your body need? Take care of this machine working for you,'" she says.
Celebrating real beauty
As a teenager, Audrey Brashich got caught up in society's definition of beauty. She was a teen model, landing gigs with magazines such as YM, Seventeen, Elle Girl, Cosmo Girl, Lucky and Self.
Brashich also was elected to her New York high school's student government, one of the first girls chosen since the school's founding in 1709, she says.
No one seemed to care about that.
"I was in a bunch of magazines, and a lot of people were asking me about that," she says. "Why is that so much more important than something else that took a lot of intelligence to achieve?"
Brashich, who now lives in Canada, says society's messages to girls perplexed her. So she decided to do some research.
Brashich published a book in May, "A Girl's Guide to Seeing Through Celebrity Hype and Celebrating Real Beauty," a body image and media literacy guide for teens. She says some girls don't realize there is more to life than feeling "pretty."
"The girls I've spoken to are torn. They want to fit in to what is beautiful, but be valued for other things they know are important and are told are important," she says.
She urges parents and teachers to talk to their children about what they see in the media — "raise questions and get kids thinking about what they see," she says.
"If you ask kids what's important in a role model, they'll make a mini list, or if you ask them what professions are the most important in the world, they'll probably say doctors and teachers," Brashich says. "Then ask them to name famous doctors and teachers, and they'll have a harder time. It shows them that we know these things are important, yet we don't see them in the media. Let's find them."
Contact Camera Staff Writer Aimee Heckel at (303) 473-1359 or heckela@dailycamera.com.

Eating Disorders: A National Epidemic

2007-02-15T12:21:00.000-07:00

More than 10 million Americans struggle with eating disorders. Once considered a “rich white girls’ disease”, eating disorders are now detectable in all social classes and an increasing number of cultures. Most frighteningly, anorexia, one of the two major types of eating disorders, has the highest premature fatality rate OF ANY MENTAL ILLNESS. Research shows that the majority of people with severe eating disorders do not receive adequate care: only 1/3 of people with anorexia and 6% of people with bulimia receive mental health care.

What are eating disorders? The DSM IV classifies anorexia (AN) and bulimia (BN) as the two major types. Additionally, the DSMIV includes “Eating Disorders Not Otherwise Specified (EDNOS)”, which includes Binge Eating Disorder and other eating disorders which do not fit into the anorexia and bulimia criteria.

1. Anorexia is characterized by self-starvation and excessive weight loss. The four diagnostic criteria are:
2. Resistance to maintaining a body weight at or above a normal weight for age and height Less then 85% of that expected
Failure to make expected weight gain during growth, leading to body weight less than 85% of expected.
BMI for age 5th percentile or below
3. Intense fear of weight gain, or being “fat” even though underweight
4. Disturbance in the experience of body weight or shape, undue influence of weight or shape on self-evaluation or denial of the seriousness of low body weightLoss of menstrual periods, post-puberty

Bulimia is characterized by a secretive cycle of binge eating followed by purging. The diagnostic criteria are:
1. Regular intake of large amounts of food accompanied by a sense of loss of control over eating behavior.
2. Regular use of inappropriate compensatory behaviors, including vomiting, laxative abuse, fasting, compulsive exercise.
3. Extreme concern with body weight and shape
a) Purging-type: regularly engages in self-induced vomiting or misuse of laxatives, diuretics or enemas
b) Non-purging type: regularly uses inappropriate compensatory behaviors such as fasting or excessive exercise

Binge Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified includes:
1) Binge-eating without purging
2) obesity
3) Excessive Exercising
4) All criteria for Anorexia except
a) Still has regular periods and/or
b) in normal weight range
5) All criteria for Bulimia except
a) Binge/purge less than 2 X/week or less than 3 months duration
b) Purging after small amounts of food (2 cookies)

Eating disorders have many precipitating factors, making them difficult to heal. Most researchers agree that bio-genetic factors, environmental factors, familial factors, and personality factors often combine to make a person highly susceptible. Although recovery rates vary, everyone agrees on this: the earlier a person with an eating disorder seeks treatment, the greater the likelihood of physical and emotional recovery. 85% of eating disorders begin during adolescence. Ideally then, treatment should start during in those early years. Unfortunately, because of the shame often associated with an eating disorder as well as its short-term benefits, few people willingly come forward during this phase. Educating mental health professionals, school personnel, and caregivers about the warning signs and potentially life-threatening consequences of eating disorders is thus vital, increasing possibility that people can be helped. *

Following is the typical progression of anorexia, including warning signs:
Anorexia often begins with dieting
Dieting becomes more and more rigid and includes skipping meals, drastically cutting calories, fat, and protein and becoming more picky
There is a denial of hunger/Refusal to eat
The person can become obsessed with food, cooking, and nutrition
Compulsive rituals begin and quickly increase; the obsession worsens
Exercise becomes excessive, sometimes up to 4 or 5 hours a day
The person offers consistent excuses for avoiding meals or situations involving food
Life/conversation is dependent on weight loss/gain
Anxiety about being “fat” worsens despite obvious thinness
Secrecy increases; isolation increases, including withdrawal from friends and usual activities
Obsession and denial worsens, as brain and other body functions shut down
The body shuts down. Death occurs.

Bulimia’s warning signs are:
Evidence of binge-eating: food disappears. Anywhere from 1,000 to 60,000 are consumed in one binge; sometimes,
The person uses bathroom and/or shower right after a meal; you may find trash bags or other containers filled with vomit
The bulimic exhibits puffiness, red eyes, red/callused knuckles and/or sore throat
There is evidence of purging: dirty bathroom, laxative boxes, diet pills
The person exercises rigidly and zealously
The bulimic exhibits dental erosion, staining
She creates a complex lifestyle schedule to facilitate bingeing and purging
She withdraws from friends and usual activities
There can be weight loss, though not always; dieting becomes a primary and constant concern

The way bulimia progresses is exemplified here:
It begins as an attempt to lose weight; body/psyche rebels; binge occurs
The binge leaves the bulimic exhausted and uncomfortable; he feels deep guilt and shame; hates this out-of-control person; goes against who he strives to be, ie perfect. Extra pounds will show who she “really is”
She has to UNDO the binge by purging: it seems to be the only antidote to the loss of control over food
Vomiting as a solution often begins almost by accident (reads about it, friends talk about it…)
Most people do this for a short time and can stop
For others, binge-purge cycle becomes addictive: what begins as a rare cycle can take up most of the person’s time. Recent research has found that serotonin gets released during the binge-purge cycle.
Many bulimics were prior anorexics

It is crucial to understand that eating disorders SERVE IMPORTANT FUNCTIONS. Uncovering those functions and finding healthier ways to fulfill them is crucial to successful healing

Below are some of anorexia’s important functions:
As the person loses weight, dieting and weight loss take on a different function
She/he finds a newfound control in life. She previously did not feel effective, especially as life is changing around her
She believes that being thin will solve all problems
She finds a new sense of power (does not have to give in to hunger); of superiority: she finally measures up
There is a new sense of meaning, purpose to life
She gets a new sense of challenge
She gets a new sense of independence, the “good girl” saying no to authorities, often for first time in life
Anorexia gives her an identity, which is often a fundamental developmental task.

Following are some of bulimia’s important functions:
“While I’m eating, nothing else matters” The bulimic can eat to satisfy emotional needs and not deal with the consequence.
Food is an outlet for all the feelings and conflicts that cannot be exposed;
Binge-purge blocks or lets out feelings that are experienced as unacceptable
The bulimia is a way to cope with uncomfortable emotional states; it relieves stress, anxiety, low-self-esteem
Unlike anorexic, the bulimic DOES acknowledge there’s something wrong but hopeless about what to do about it

Treatment possibilities are varied, though their effectiveness is not always corroborated by science. Educating yourself on the various modalities as well as being trained in the specifics of eating disorders is a big step in effectively helping those who struggle with eating disorders.

Here is some of the information we know:
Family therapy is the most successful type of treatment IF the child is under 18 AND lives at home
Cognitive-behavioral therapy has been studied extensively and offers strong positive outcomes, though not necessarily in the long-run
Dialectical Behavioral Therapy is increasingly used in hospitals and clinics to some success
The more support the client receives, the better her potential for recovery: a combination of individual, group, and family therapy is ideal though costly, as insurance only covers small, if any, portions of treatment.
Other forms of therapies are proving successful in healing eating disorders, including art therapy, equine therapy, energy healing, and massage therapy, to name a few
Pharmaceutical treatments can be effective for some but not all. SSRIs (anti-depressants) work especially well with bulimics.
Money is being poured into research to support that a person’s risk for developing eating disorders is genetic. The latest such study showed that more than half (56%) a person’s risk for developing anorexia is determined by genes, with environmental factors determining the rest.

* While there are a number of health consequences for anorexia, bulimia, and EDNOS, the length of this article does not allow me to focus on it. Please go to http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/ for further information.

In the mirror: Teens struggle with body image

2007-02-14T13:09:00.000-07:00

By Aimee Heckel (Daily Camera)
Originally published 11:43 a.m., January 29, 2007

The 13-year-old girl refused to untie her sweater from around her waist.

She was ashamed of her stomach. She thought everyone was looking at how fat it was, like it was a deformity. She began dieting and weighing herself about 20 times a day.

She was at the edge of developing an eating disorder, but her mother caught her just in time. She brought her daughter to a therapist, and within two months, the girl began loosening up the sweater until she felt confident enough to lose it completely.

The girl's therapist described her as "teeny tiny" — no stomach bulge at all. But the girl saw her body differently.

Like many other American teenagers — mostly girls — she had a warped body image. A person's body image is not necessarily connected to reality, local therapists say.

Think: If you're having a good day and you feel upbeat, you are more likely to think you look good. If you're stressed and depressed, you are likely to feel unattractive, even if you look the same as you usually do.

Developing a healthy body image is crucial for adolescents; a negative image can lead to a lifetime of eating disorders and low self-esteem.

And these perceptions begin at the beginning. Even toddlers pick up messages from society, their parents, daycare and friends about how they should view their bodies. If parents don't clear up mixed messages and let their children know they are more than their body shape, children can start to act out dangerous eating habits.

Local therapists tell stories about increasingly more preteens popping diet pills, skipping lunch or heading to the bathrooms at school to purge what they do eat at lunch.

One 4-year-old girl refused to eat the snacks at her preschool because she was afraid of getting fat.

Two-thirds of all American girls have been on a diet before the age 10. Nearly half of 9- to 11-year-olds are "sometimes" or "very often" on diets, according to a study by Colgate University. Forty-two percent of first- to third-grade girls said they want to be thinner, another national study showed.

Eighty percent of 10-year-olds said in another national survey they were afraid of being fat.

Superior-based therapist Dorie McCubbrey knows that fear firsthand. She developed an eating disorder in elementary school, after seeing most of the women in her family diet regularly. Parents have a tremendous impact as role models for their children, be it good or bad, McCubbrey says.

"This is the season right now to be losing weight," says McCubbrey, who now counsels people on healthy weight maintenance and body acceptance. "There are healthy ways to lose weight, and if you are trying to lose weight, be very careful about what you say in front of your kids, because they will pick it up."

When a person's body image is inaccurate, it often means they're using their body as something they can change when they feel like their life is out of control, according to McCubbrey. She saw one 6-year-old girl who refused to eat after her parents got a divorce.

"Any kind of trauma, whether mild or severe, can trigger someone to use their body as a means of control," McCubbrey says. "And that needs to be taken very seriously."

'Your body's a wonderland'

Isabelle Tierney, a therapist in Boulder, says 80 percent of her clients struggle with their body image. She speaks to local students and trains school counselors about positive body image.

Few people admire their bodies for the "marvels" that they are, Tierney says. She often guides her clients through meditation where they think about their skin, muscles, blood, the cells and the complex organs inside.

"Nobody teaches kids and adolescents how incredible the body is, the way the muscles work," she says. "It allows me to jump, run, wrestle. When you start seeing your body, as opposed to an object that is supposed to look a certain way to be liked, but as a magnificent system — and if you take care of it, it'll work for you — it shifts you into an incredible place where you think, 'Wow, my body is amazing.'"

Tierney runs the Web site, www.bodybeloved.com, which teaches and "inside-out" view on body image. That means letting your inside define your outside, rather than letting your feelings depend on what's going on outside: How others view you, whether you're in a good mood, if you have a boyfriend or girlfriend.

Tierney recommends teaching this as young as possible.

"I have three kids myself, and I always say, 'What does your body need? Take care of this machine working for you,'" she says.

Celebrating real beauty

As a teenager, Audrey Brashich got caught up in society's definition of beauty. She was a teen model, landing gigs with magazines such as YM, Seventeen, Elle Girl, Cosmo Girl, Lucky and Self.

Brashich also was elected to her New York high school's student government, one of the first girls chosen since the school's founding in 1709, she says.

No one seemed to care about that.

"I was in a bunch of magazines, and a lot of people were asking me about that," she says. "Why is that so much more important than something else that took a lot of intelligence to achieve?"

Brashich, who now lives in Canada, says society's messages to girls perplexed her. So she decided to do some research.

Brashich published a book in May, "A Girl's Guide to Seeing Through Celebrity Hype and Celebrating Real Beauty," a body image and media literacy guide for teens. She says some girls don't realize there is more to life than feeling "pretty."

"The girls I've spoken to are torn. They want to fit in to what is beautiful, but be valued for other things they know are important and are told are important," she says.

She urges parents and teachers to talk to their children about what they see in the media — "raise questions and get kids thinking about what they see," she says.

"If you ask kids what's important in a role model, they'll make a mini list, or if you ask them what professions are the most important in the world, they'll probably say doctors and teachers," Brashich says. "Then ask them to name famous doctors and teachers, and they'll have a harder time. It shows them that we know these things are important, yet we don't see them in the media. Let's find them."

Contact Camera Staff Writer Aimee Heckel at (303) 473-1359 or heckela@dailycamera.com.

How do you see you?

Tips for improving your body image:

You don'tneed to change the way you look or act. Instead, change the way you think about yourself.

Recognizethat your body is unique and your own.

Stayhealthy, and talk to a doctor if you are concerned you don't have a healthy weight.

Acceptthe things about your body you cannot change.

Make goalsto change the things that you can, such as getting fit and eating nutritious food. Meeting a challenge is a good way to boost your self-esteem.

Stopthe negative thoughts.

Giveyourself three compliments every day.

Every evening,list three things in your day that made you feel good. Even simple things, such as the sun or a song you heard.

Focuson the good things in your life.

Get helpif you need it. Talk to a trusted adult or

Source: www.kidshealth.org.

Tips for parents

To help build positive body image:

Keepcommunication open.

Don't talknegatively about food or weight.

Don't talkabout how "good" someone looks because they are skinny.

Always havefun and healthy food available.

Teachyour teen how to make healthy and fun foods, such as smoothies.

Limitexposure to unhealthy messages from the media. Talk to them about what they are seeing.

Complimentactions instead of appearances.

Warning signs

Signs of a possible eating disorder:

Exercisingfor an hour or more daily with few or no days off.

Havingan ongoing fear of weight gain, an unrealistic sense of "feeling fat" or an extreme emphasis on losing or maintaining weight.

Significantchanges in weight.

Avoidingcertain foods and feeling guilty about eating certain foods.

Eatingfor emotional reasons, such as stress; also, uncontrollable patterns of compulsive eating or overeating and secretive eating.

Frequentweighing or measuring the body with a tape measure.

Usingdiet pills, laxatives, diuretics, appetite suppressants and weight-loss products.

Usingexercise to "get rid of" food.

Source: Eating disorder specialist Dorie McCubbrey.

What to do

If you believe someone has an eating disorder:

Be supportive.People who have suffered eating disorders say the worst thing to do is isolate someone who has a disorder.

For informationabout confronting a person with an eating disorder, check out www.anad.org, and click on "Eating disorder info and resources" and "Confronting."

Be empathetic,but direct. Don't back down if the problem is denied.

Contacta professional for help.

Redirectthe focus from weight control to deeper, more meaningful goals. Emphasize inner qualities, and keep comments about appearance to a minimum.

Learnthe facts about nutrition and fitness and share it with your child. Educate yourself through books or support groups.

Don't labelfood as "good" or "bad."

Sources: National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders, Dorie McCubbrey.

An Experiment in Eating with Presence...

2004-04-16T13:09:00.000-06:00

Do you ever eat a whole meal and not remember any of it? Do you wonder who actually ate the food since it doesn’t feel like it was you? While eating unconsciously happens occasionally to many, it happens often to those of us who struggle with overeating. We consume large amounts of calories but cannot recall one bite of it, so absent are we to the actual act, so busy are we thinking about everything but the food we are sitting in front of. We invariably end up overeating for we don’t allow the food to ever really satisfy us, nourish us, and give us the contact we really long for. Can eating with presence, then, actually avail us to satisfaction? Can awareness for the food in front of us curb our impulses to overeat? I determined to find the answer to these questions by eating in total presence for a week.

What is presence and what does eating with presence look like? To be present means to have our attention fully and intensely in the Now. In presence, we are not lost in thoughts, obsessed with the past or the future. Rather we are aware of everything that is here now, whether it is a feeling, a thought, a sunrise, or soap bubbles on a plate being washed. Eating with presence, then, means that we become aware of everything related to the act of eating, from the way the food looks to the way it tastes, to the way it feels as it enters the Body, and so on. It even means becoming aware of the distractions that often arise as we eat, dropping them gently as soon as we notice that they take us away.

For my experiment, I set only one guideline for myself: I have to be present to myself and to my food at every meal. I can eat anything I want, no deprivation required, as long as I can stay in contact with the act of eating. It sounds simpler than any diet or food plan I have ever attempted, but, as I soon find out, it is much harder.

Day One: Breakfast. I usually start my day by eating my breakfast while reading the paper. It is a favorite habit of mine, a habit that even screaming children or ringing phones won’t deter me from. Today, though, my Inner Voice reminds me to stay present, so I put the paper down and sit across from my pancakes, feeling as though I am meeting a stranger for the first time. To my surprise, I notice that I don’t want to be present with my food. It feels uncomfortable being that intimate. I want to do something else, give my eating only a small portion of my attention. For someone who professes to love food as much as I do –I’m an overeater, for God’s sake!- I am stunned to find out how little I actually want to be with it. I put the first bite in my mouth and concentrate on its taste, its texture, the way it feels in my mouth. That lasts all of two seconds, and then I’m gone, off into my head, busily planning what I have to do today. A few minutes later, I notice that half of my meal is gone, and I don’t remember any of it. I bring my attention back. This time, I try to simply name what I find, using words like chewy or buttery without an attachment to what those words mean to me. I am surprised to find that each bite is different than the one before. In one bite, my teeth connect to the crunchiness of the whole grains. In another, my mouth gets coated with the sweet syrup. The caramelly crust of the next bite melts on my tongue. And I realize that I can actually feel the metallic coldness of the fork on my last bite. I leave the table filled with gratitude for the surprising diversity of my simple experience.

Day One: Lunch. I forget about “Presence” and eat my lunch while talking with my kids AND reading the paper. At one point, one of my daughters says: “Mom, what about eating with “Presence”? Didn’t you say you were going to do that?” I am amazed that she paid attention when spoke about this and irritated that she reminded me. “I don’t want to play the stupid game of “presence”, I internally whine, “I want to have fun!” I lie and tell her that I never meant to practice presence at every meal. I then proceed to eat without awareness, filling my Body with more food than it needed.

Day One: Dinner. I resolve to pay attention to only one sensation per bite. I get overwhelmed when I have to notice the many sensations each bite can offer. I try to stay present at least long enough to notice if a bite tastes crunchy or chocolaty, smooth or salty. Eating this consciously slows me down. I find myself wanting to eat less and less because each moment is so filling.

One of my bigger challenges lies in being present with myself at the family meals. I’m either in contact with my husband and three children or with myself: I struggle with being present to both. I experiment with putting the fork down when I’m in conversation with them and with being quiet when I’m eating, but it is not an easy rhythm to keep. I find that I have a tendency to overeat a little when I’m around them.

Next few days. I feel such gratitude when the phone rings in the middle of my conscious eating. Alleluiah! A distraction! I am saved from the difficulty of presence! During one phone call, I actually try to sneak an unconscious bite but I end up choking and having to hang up. Point taken. I even use bird watching as an excuse not to be present to my food. “Oh, look how cute the birds are bathing in the snow. I wonder how come they don’t get cold. Wait, do birds actually feel like we do? What if the mother dies? Do they feel sad?…” By the time my brilliant train of thought ends, I’ve eaten half my sandwich and I have no clue what it tasted like. Okay, no more bird watching.

Little by little, though, I notice that I don’t overeat much any more. In fact, I often leave some food on my plate, something I would have considered impossible not long ago. I also find myself really picky, wanting only to eat good food, like the salmon sushi I had for lunch, whose perfect blend of fatty salmon and chewy rice filled my palate with joy. And when I’m done with a meal, I notice that I neither pick at my children’s leftovers or nor finish the remains of the dinner pan. I actually feel satisfied, even satiated when I eat with awareness. Maybe it’s due to the simple fact that my physical body has the chance to tell me when it’s full, as many health experts tell us. Maybe it’s because being present allows me to see each bite for what it is, without projecting onto it an abandoning mother that I need to inhale before she walks away or a miraculous substance meant to take away my suffering. Maybe it’s because eating with presence lets me receive the food as a gift from Source, a gift of nurturance and abundance I can’t notice when I speedily gobble down a meal. And maybe it’s because the sheer experience of being present while eating is an experience of contact and intimacy which satisfies the deepest levels of my soul.

Try it for a week. Maybe it will even help you figure out who’s been driving your car all along…

Are our eating struggles a curse or a gift?

2003-11-04T13:08:00.000-07:00

As a holistic therapist, I am always struck by the amount of shame and self-loathing experienced by those of us who struggle with eating and body image issues. Though many of us lead extraordinarily full lives, our inability to “conquer” what is perceived as an easily controllable issue impacts even the most joy-filled moments. Entrenched in the belief that happiness will be ours as soon as we control our weight, we torture ourselves with harsh diets and exercise, missing the beauty that lies all around us.

What if we were taught that our struggle with eating and body image was in fact the archetypal journey that every human being has to go through in order to find happiness? What if we could understand that these issues are not meant to be easily gotten rid of, but rather that they are essential steps in the journey designed to bring us closer to peace and bliss?

I spent most of my life trying to attain happiness by striving to get over my struggles with eating and body image. I really thought that I would be happy the day my food addiction disappeared. I read countless stories of people who had conquered their weight and who now lived a supposedly perfect and blissful life. I so wanted to believe that I too could be a new person if only I could stop overeating. A person without any fears or faults. A person without suffering. It all seemed so easy.

For twenty-five years, I worked like a horse to try to heal of my eating disorder: I exercised like an Olympic athlete, ingested only small amounts of calories a day, and gave myself a good tongue lashing when I failed at either. Unfortunately, I was not getting rid of my struggle: in fact, it was getting worse. The more I tried to conquer my addiction, the stronger it came at me. I kept right on going, though, for I knew it had to be my fault, my lack of willpower or self-control. I always resolved to be better the next day, and would start the whole vicious cycle all over again.

As the years passed, I started noticing something strange. Living with and working on my eating disorder was actually bringing forth gifts which were enriching every aspect of my life. Every quality developed in my struggle became a quality which showed up in my parenting, my healership, my wifehood, and my friendships.
The process of healing my eating disorder taught me to become more patient, compassionate and loving. It taught me to delay gratification and to find out what my real needs were. It allowed me to see the sacredness of our world and to feel gratitude for every moment. It helped me curb my impulsivity, modify my critic and judge, curb my tendency to objectify, and let go of my self-centeredness. And as the effects of these internal changes began to ripple outward to all my relationships, I found that a deeper, more lasting happiness began to creep in.

I also realized that my addiction was in fact my soul’s call for healing. Wanting to eat when I wasn’t hungry, craving different foods at different times, or having to purge when I felt too full were all signals of a more profound imbalance within me which communicated itself through disordered eating. It was as though my deeper Self had learned only one language to express its varied feelings. If I felt sad, I wanted sugar. If I was angry, I would binge and throw up. If I was bored, salty foods kept me busy. The trick, then, became to welcome the cravings and impulses as messages from my inner Self telling me that something was off. If I just stayed with the impulses long enough without acting them out, I would soon find out what was really happening inside of me and what I needed to do about it. Once again, my eating disorder was not the curse I had believed, but it was in fact my most trustworthy messenger.

Additionally, the more I worked with my eating issues and my spirituality, the more I started believing that my body was in fact using cravings to call me to itself so that I could become a fully present human being. When I was not ensconced in my addiction, I had a tendency to live in my mind, lost in a world of thought that kept me away from what was truly happening in the present. Inhabiting my head often got me into all kinds of trouble, as I was living in the past or the future, not aware of the often simpler and kinder reality of the now. What I learned is that the only way to bring myself into the present was to come into my body. As Eckhart Tolle, in his revolutionary book The Power of Now tells us: “The fact is that no one has ever become enlightened through denying or fighting the body…In the end, you will always have to return to the body, where the essential work of transformation takes place.” (p.95) Every craving, every overfull feeling, every moment of emptiness I experienced after a purge forced me to leave the safety of my mind to enter my body, moving me a step closer to being fully awake. This learning still fills me with gratitude for all of my body’s messages, however inconvenient or painful they may feel at times.

Sometime, I forget that there is nothing wrong with me for still struggling with my weight and for not having healed myself quickly and efficiently. However, I soon remember that my struggle has been my greatest teacher, opening me to aspects of myself which I would have never chosen to face without my pain. Today, I am genuinely happy, not the fleeting kind of happy that arises out of a perfect body or a struggle-free life, but the kind of happy that comes from having traveled through my darkness and finding how much light and love is actually there.

So whether we struggle with food, alcohol, drugs, money, gambling, intimacy, or any other kind of pain, we can rest in the knowledge that the journey we have embarked upon is actually the journey towards true happiness. We can know that the lessons that our struggles are trying to teach us are the signposts on the road to peace and bliss. Our wound is our highest gift: let us treat it as such.

Do We Really Need Boundaries?

2003-01-20T13:07:00.000-07:00

The other day, a client informed me that she was
going to visit a nutritionist, as doing the Body Beloved philosophy of "accepting her body as is" was taking away all motivation to watch how she ate and exercised.

Last week, a workshop attendee expressed her fear that if she was to love her body, she would lose all drive to improve herself.

We need to ask, then: does the Body Beloved philosophy teach us that loving our bodies means letting go of all food and exercise boundaries? Does it tell us to be free of all constraints and “let it all hang out”?

In the healing work that I have done, I have identified two types of boundaries, those which originate from the outside and those which originate from the inside. The boundaries created by the outside include those boundaries created by our parents, extended families, friends, and society. Many of us who struggle with this issue often come from childhoods where outside boundaries were rigid, inflexible, and punishing, not only with regard to food but in other aspects of our lives as well. The cost of not following rules to the letter (this is important) often led to harsh and unpleasant punishment: we were told that these strict boundaries were necessary to correct our "badness" and that following them would bring out our “goodness”. We learned to internalize this belief.

As we grew up, we were automatically attracted to those outside authorities who also teach that strict and rigid rules will bring us goodness and happiness. This is what we knew to be true. Whether our families struggled with weight and body image issues or not, attaching ourselves to the societal expectations about our bodies fit our internal systems perfectly: follow strict and harsh rules and get rid of your badness and attain goodness and happiness.

We cannot underestimate the power of the hope in that promise: we all struggle with our darker side, and we are told that obeying these rules will help us get us rid of our negativities. Who could turn that promise down?

There is only one little problem: externally-derived, overly harsh rules can only be followed for so long before we rebel. (I’m not sure if this is because a deeper part of us knows that these boundaries are overly tight and rigid and often make no real sense, or if we are supposed to eventually rebel against external authorities in order to find our own internal authority. It could be both.) What I do know is that the tighter and the stricter the boundary, the stronger and louder my rebel: the pendulum has to swing as far back the other way. So we rebel, feeling the delicious and explosive release of those tight boundaries, swimming in the hard-earned sea of our freedom. We eat and we eat and we eat, reciting our silent “f. you” mantra along with every bite, bathed in ecstasy.
And then, our by now internalized authoritarian voice (I call her my authoritarian bitch, but you are free to call her anything you want!) rears up and comes charging at us, screaming: “how could you do this, you weak-willed, lazy, good-for-nothing pig? I told you to follow my rules and you broke them. I hope you feel shame, guilt, disappointment, and self-hatred for yourself. You deserve it.”

Our heads bow down for we know that voice is telling the truth. We are weak-willed and lazy and good for nothing. Thankfully, though, we know the answer: follow the authoritarian voice’s dictates once again, live within the rigid boundaries, and you will have a second chance for redemption.

And thus the cycle starts over and over again, keeping us stuck in the role-locks (understand, the roles are locked?) of authoritarian voice/bad girl who longs to be good, and authoritarian voice/rebel and then back to authoritarian voice/bad girl who longs to be good. How can we possibly have a way out of this hell?

We need to learn to let go of the boundaries we have culled from the outside world and develop authorities born inside of us, out of our own likes and dislikes, our own needs and preferences. Have you ever actually asked yourself what you’d want to body to look like and feel like if you had never compared yourself to our cultural standards? I look at Boticelli’s “The Birth of Venus” and find that Venus’ soft and rounded curves appeal to me way more than Kate Moss’ angular and bony frame. I look at the struggles I have had trying to “look perfect” and find that what I really want is to feel good, not look good. Now, if looking good comes as a side-benefit, wonderful. But today, if my choice is to feel better rather than look better –with all the crazy mind games and role locks that entails-, I’ll choose feeling better.

When I finally had the courage to surrender my authoritarian bitch, my societally-created boundaries, I discovered that I actually have a wise and responsible self who does in fact expect me to take care of my body, that has in fact given me boundaries to stick to so that I’ll feel better. That was huge, as I had always been told that without externally-derived boundaries, I would just be bad and stay bad. I eat fewer carbs and more protein and vegetables. Not because I expect myself to become thinner but because I long for more health and energy to propel myself through my crazy days. I rarely rebel against this boundary, because it is a boundary that I have created from MY likes and dislikes, not what some external source told me to do. That’s what I want. Now, do you know what you want?

The Body Beloved and Perfection

2002-11-30T13:06:00.000-07:00

After reading my first article, a number of people expressed concern about my admission that I sometimes still struggle with food and body image. "You are the Body Beloved's primary salesperson", they said, "you can't tell people that you still struggle".

I started pondering what it is indeed I am "selling". Am I selling you the attainment of a "perfect" relationship with your body, mistake-free, selfless, and constantly aware? Am I telling you that this is your goal, that you will reach it in x number of days, weeks, or months?

I decided to look around at other relationships in my life to see if such perfection existed. Do I have "perfect relationship" with my husband or with my kids? With my friends, or with my family? Do I even expect to? The answer is a resounding "no, no, and no!"

So what do I expect of myself in those relationships? I expect and strive to be my best, to remember the Other before making relational decisions, and to take responsibility for my forgetting whenever I do. I expect that I will sometimes bulldoze the Other in order to get my needs met and I expect that I will sometimes have a hard time owning up to having done so. I expect that my impulses will sometimes get the best of me and that I will be unkind or unfair to another. And I expect to give myself a break after making such mistakes, for I trust myself to learn from them.

Do I mentally abuse myself when I am not "perfect" in these close relationships? Do I spent the next two hours calling myself "weak", "out-of-control", "disgusting", or any other such disparaging words? Do I go into a depressed funk, losing all faith at my ability to be a loving human being?

The answer of course is "no", for I know that I am human and cannot attain perfect relationship. Why is it, then, that so many of us expect us to attain this perfection in our relationship with our bodies? Why is it that we demand perfect control, discipline, selflessness, and awareness 24 hours a day and then mentally torture ourselves when we veer off course even slightly?

We have to get this: we will never attain perfect relationship with our bodies. We will make mistakes. We will override our bodies' needs so as to get our own met. We will forget that our bodies feel the impact of our actions. And we will act out our thoughts and emotions onto our bodies.

Can we stand this truth? Can we actually surrender to it, let ourselves breathe a big sigh of relief and open our hearts to imperfection and forgiveness? Can we actually believe that happiness comes from the acceptance of imperfection, not its rigid denial? A quote in the Pathwork, a spiritual path, describes this best: "The more you accept imperfection, the more joy you will give and receive. Your capacity for joy and happiness depends on your capacity to accept imperfection, not just intellectually, but as an emotional experience. And only as you accept imperfection can you lead a joyful life and derive enjoyment out of your relationships, all of which are bound to be imperfect." (Pathwork lecture #97)

I promise you this: do the Body Beloved work and you will transform your relationship with your body in ways that you never imagined. Practice its philosophy and you will find yourself filled with more and more love for your body. Remember, though, you will make mistakes and you will forget. But it is the quality of your responses to your mistakes that will determine your next course of action: respond with guilt and shame, and create further abuse both for yourself and your body. Respond with forgiveness and compassion and create love and acceptance.

I know which one I choose.

Blessings to all.

Welcome and what to expect every month

2002-11-04T13:04:00.000-07:00

Welcome to all of you! I hope you are enjoying navigating through this website, for this work means a great deal to me. I hope you can learn from it as much as I have.

As you know, we are a nation of people whose relationship with their bodies is tenuous at best, abusive and aggressive at worst: obesity and eating disorders are rampant as are our obsession with thinness and perfection. I know of five year-olds who think they are fat and talk to 70 year-olds who hate their bodies...

Let me tell you something: to heal our issues with our bodies is NOT easy. I have struggled with bulimia for thirty years and still find that certain days of the month (you know which these are, ladies... oh, and maybe you men too...) bring me much difficulty. During those times, I go unconscious, forget that my body exists, and live either for my next bite or for the next work-out that will hopefully get rid that one bite-too-many! I just went through one of those periods, and let me tell you, I'm glad to be out.

Today, I remember my body. I remember that my body is a miraculous system who deserves gentle and loving care. I remember that I am not alone in this relationship and that both my needs and my body's needs can be met. I remember that I need to take the time to listen to my body and that doing so will bring me energy, clarity, a feeling of well-being. My body allows me to be here right now, thinking, intuiting, writing. It is allowing you to read, to take in information, or to raise your eyebrows in exasperation. It will allow you to turn me off when you are done and to go on to whatever kind of day is waiting for you. And it'll hopefully allow you to show at least one person today that you love them.

I will try to keep these articles short so that you can keep up with me. I plan on making these articles reflect my and others' journey through the Body Beloved. Because it is, as many have said, a journey, not a destination. I don't know if my relationship with my body will ever be perfect. Every time I remember that it exists, though, that it has needs, that it accomplishes much for me, I am a step closer to that heart-based relationship I am so longing to have.

So I hope you will join me in this journey. And I hope you will share your journey with me through your e-mails, including responses to my articles and to my web site. I can't do it alone. I need you.

Blessings,
Isabelle